30 Days to 30, Day 23: I was the weird kid. Ive always been happy in my own world of words and pictures. In kindergarten Id collect all the beetles from the cracks in the sidewalk outside our classroom. Id bring them home in the pockets of my Osh Kosh Bigosh overalls. I couldnt bear the thought of anyone stepping on them. I did this every single day for an entire school year, and Id cry over the squished ones with my best friend, my Love-A-Lot Carebear. Yes, I still have her. Couple that with the fact my parents were still graduate students, so we lived very frugally. Id wear gender neutral clothes from Goodwill, and my Mom would cut my hair to look like a mushroom. All the pretty little blonde girls at school were known as the Ballerinas. The popular clique. Theyd make fun of me for looking like a boy. We couldnt afford ballet classes, but I was much happier doing my own thing anyway. I was Mommas little helper. She ran a daycare for babies from our apartment. I felt proud for being the older kid, and quickly learned the difference between the sound of a baby crying for comfort, rest, or nourishment. I was convinced my different-ness would at long last receive a dazzling makeover in the 5th grade, when I sang Colors of the Wind, the theme song from Pocahontas at the annual talent show. And yes, I dedicated it to, The Planet: We need to love and take care of each other. All the popular girls lip-synched and danced to Madonna. Chubby, with frizzy hair and thick round glasses, I was baffled that my performance didnt sky rocket me into the upper echelon of the social hierarchy. We all need love, care, and connection to survive and thrive. Dignity is part of our birthright. In its simplest definition, dignity means to feel special. That we are unique, and we are seen and heard for that uniqueness. Our uniqueness gives us a purpose and a place amongst each other. We belong. Its the opposite of being nameless, faceless or interchangeable. Therefore, we need touch, and that connection must be meaningful. Otherwise the human organism will not develop or expand within itself. At the orphanage wed see two kinds of disabilities: the ones the children were born with and the ones they inherited. We would see crippled limbs, cerebral palsy, Downs syndrome, birth defects, genetically inherited or due to malnutrition during pregnancy. Disabilities that were biological, scientifically explained. And then we would see the disabilities born from abandonment. From not having enough human contact. Physically, mentally, emotionally, psychologically, the child grows stunted. And these are things impossible to explain, for how can we measure disconnection? Its like trying to measure negative space. Its like trying to quantify a vacuum and then giving it a verdict. These are the accidental cruelties that come from being one child in an assembly line of children. Despite the love and affection we would give them daily, it simply wasnt enough. Its accidental because its no ones fault, but its all our faults. As a world family, weve forgotten them without meaning to. Its the wound that comes with living in an institution rather than a home. Its the same wound that is inflicted on a child who isnt orphaned literally, but emotionally or psychologically abandoned by their parents. The resource we campaigned for most was to have more hands on deck. Funds to hire more caregivers. To tip the balance back to love. Back to full eye contact, meaningful contact, for every single, tiny, precious child. Dignity. Im grateful for every single experience in my life. Whether its an instance of being mocked or being held, I honor them. I am thankful for each moment of eye-contact and contact, broken. Ive learned love through dignity and through being denied dignity. I come from goodwill and ill-will. I am as I am because of it all and despite it all.
Posted on: Thu, 14 Nov 2013 02:47:44 +0000
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