.......*30* I tried reaching for my phone and I fell to the ground. I finally reached it and called the ambulance. I could barely speak with the pain I was in but I managed. The ambulance took forever as usual. It finally came n they took it me in. I heard one of the ladies saying, she suffering a miscarriage we need to rush her to the hospital and indeed they rushed me to the hospital. They took me in and the doctor drugged me and I swiftly slept. I woke up and no one was around. My phone was beside my bed and I picked it up. I checked the time and it was 20:00. I had missed calls from Loot and Mom. I immediately called Loot. Me: hey babe am at the hospital Loot: what happened Me: just come am at Louis Pasture Loot: am coming now now Me: thanks babe After that I called. Mom: hey wena come home Me: *crying* mama am at the hospital Mom: what happened? Am coming Me: please mom After the calls I couldnt help but wonder if Tshwarelo was fine. I love her so much. Tears were sliding down my cheeks. I was crying when Loot walked in. He came and hugged me. Loot: kati laam dont cry please Me: what if our baby is not going to survive? Loot: am sure she is a survivor Soon after that the doctor walked. Doctor: miss am really sorry to inform you that you suffered a miscarriage kfsghajrtyujnd cvhbsjuiol thats how everything went when he said I lost baby Tee. I jumped from my bed screaming and shouting. Me: no way my baby is gone. No way maybe am having my periods. How could she be gone when I felt her kick just 2days ago. It is not possible that she is gone. There is no way. Just yesterday I was singing a song for her. Its impossible. Luthando tell him our baby is still alive. Luthando tell him!!! I was hitting and pushing Loot. It wasnt possible that my Tshwarelo was gone. I didnt even get the chance to hold her. Its my fault only if I had came here earlier when Loot told me to she would be here. Loot: its not your fault. Some things you cant have a hold over. Dont cry babe please. Me: why doesnt God love me. He took my sister, my mom and now my baby. I was raped by my own father and he wasnt there to protect me. Why do bad things always happen to me. Am I that much of a sinner? Luthando why do bad things fall upon me? Why? Luthando why? Luthando I want my baby back. I was torn to pieces, shattered. My mom walked in a few minutes later. I ran up to her and sobbed. Me: mama my baby is gone. I never got to carry her. I never got the chance to play with her little feet and numble her tiny hands. What about the pre school life in had in mind. I wanted to be heavy pregnant and go through the pains of labour just to see a beautiful face. Mom: everything happens for a reason my child. It maybe painful now but it is Gods plan. I will be here for you. I went and got into my bed. Loot was next to me. I just cried, there was nothing more I could do. I felt so useless. It was like I was at war with the world. I tell you losing a child is the worst thing a mother experiences. I was half way asleep when I heard the doctor talking to mom. Doctor: she has a damaged uterus and womb. Even if she falls pregnant, the foetus wont survive for more than four months. This makes it highly impossible for her to have children Mom: she is so young to be going through this Doctor: she will need a lot of comfort because she is in the worst state of mind. Listening to them made my heart die. So I was raped and am being pushed by not having children. Am I ever going to find peace. The life am living feels like its been altered. It seems like it has no purpose. My life is wrecked just because the one person who was suppose to be my protector instantly became a dictator. I lost my dignity. I lost my intergtity. I lost my virginity. Humanity was no longer part of me. Ive lost so much. But I didnt think Id loose baby Tee...... Heartbroken :(
Posted on: Thu, 14 Aug 2014 19:52:42 +0000
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