31 Signs Your Baby Boy is Officially a Tween: 1. Ninety percent of his responses to questions are in the form of grunts, which can only be deciphered by tone and length. 2. Suddenly, you can pee alone. 3. He went from thinking you knew everything to thinking you know nothing in a matter of weeks. 4. He asks you to drop him off a block from where hes going. Dude all your friends know you dont drive and you didnt walk here… youre not fooling anyone 5. He asks if youre dressed before entering any room, covers his eyes, yelps, or just flees - as if seeing something, anything, would literally sear his retinas. 6. Suddenly, he has nothing to say to girls hes been playing with since nursery school. 7. He vehemently argues that he is right about everything - with everyone, but the pets (though Im sure Ive witnessed my child in a heated debate with our dog). 8. He rolls his eyes when you say, How was your day? 9. He wants abs. 10. You have to explain the proper use of words you would never find on a vocabulary list, like douchebag, so that he doesnt embarrass himself at lunch (expect new words weekly). 11. He locks the door behind him everywhere he goes. 12. You may need to pry his Beats off his ears with a crowbar. 13. Youve been introduced to all of the Axe products on the market … and there is a shocking amount of them. 14. When a text bings, he runs away. 15. His entire life is documented in a series of selfies on Instagram: This is the breakfast I ate … This is my bus … How do feel about me? Use this handy emoticon chart to let me know … 16. He wants to give things away that have huge nostalgic value to you like, every stuffed animal you saved over the years… the massive amounts of Pokemon cards he made you buy and play with, those Transformers you worked like a dog to make into a truck, or those animated videos and bedtime stories you can recite by heart. 17. You dont have to beg him to shower … though you may have to beg him to get out. 18. Hes saving for $15 socks and has become obsessed with sneakers. (On the up side, thank goodness someone else loves shoes as much as you do. On the down side, he grows out of them in a month.) 19. Your taste in music suddenly sucks. 20. The kid that once streaked on a daily basis freaks out if you see him in his underwear. 21. How to Hug a Porcupine is your favorite reading material. 22. He (or some of his friends) look like they could put a razor to good use. MORE HUMOR FROM JENNY: MOMS OF BOYS ARE JEALOUS SHREWS 23. His voice cracks more than an American Idol contestant who makes the outtakes episode and resembles the sound of an alto thats been kicked in the balls. 24. He uses the phrase Thats what she said, in the right context. 25. He spent more time on his hair on the first day of middle school than he spent in all of elementary school, put together. 26. That yummy little kid smell is gone … after a day of playing sports, youd like to air him out - along with his uniform. 27. Hes taller or nearly taller than you and he probably weighs more. When did that happen? He was just 7lbs 4oz yesterday, right? 28. Shivering in a hoodie is more tolerable than being seen in a winter coat. 29. Your monthly grocery bill starts competing with your mortgage. 30. He wants to see most the movies you want to see, you just need to debate whether he can... and whether its weird to see them with him. Hello, Bad Grandpa. 31. Everything you do is embarrassing! Youre probably embarrassing him right now, by reading this.
Posted on: Thu, 06 Mar 2014 05:57:45 +0000