352 days in. Dr Bs no-smoking regime goes as follows: skin now no longer Salamified (not Danish/not Italian/just the odd pimple. CHECK) Fingers not smoke-fringed (CHECK), fingers as good as Edam to suck (nutty & sweaty & sweet. CHECK), mood swings less shambolic (CHECK), mood swiings less moronic (The need to kill dying off, the need to eat my right arm dying off, the need to plot well-timed assassinations on UKIP members and other political f***ktards dwindling. CHECK), delight in the new-found lung capacity (CHECK), delight in the new-found lung tenacity (less breathlessness, less wheeziness, more gym-enhanced depth. CHECK), the Steptoe-like mucus-inducing, cough departed (CHECK), the phlegm sporadic (CHECK), the green stuff easily deposited into pocket squares with gentlemanly discretion (CHECK), my concentration sharpened (CHECK), my frontal lobes no longer lilting up & down like pingpong balls (CHECK), my good writing intent returned (CHECK), my good writing relationship returned (my agent rang, administered a light nag & I responded with a Moleskin schedule. CHECK), my clothes smelling of colour-quick Bold (CHECK), my hair smelling of baby shampoo (CHECK), my sheets smelling of my ivy-walled, gravel-drenched garden (CHECK), my days more peaceful (less tear-fuelled, less mangled, less desperately craving the snout. CHECK) my pocket money is up (looking on ebay again, looking at stationary again, looking at weekend breaks. CHECK). Now to all the other STUFF: avoiding smokers in the street (CHECK), avoiding smokers at weddings (CHECK), avoiding smokers at parties (CHECK), avoiding smokers at picnics (CHECK), avoiding smokers at coffee bars & pubs & wine vaults (CHECK), STILL regret the loss of my smokers-in-arms (CHECK), the loss of feeling of delicious ill-will & skullduggery (CHECK), the loss of nicotine heart leap & the giddy first hit (CHECK), the loss of the panic for fags (CHECK), the loss of the camaradie of fags (box in pocket, box in bag, box in glove compartment, box in hand - ciggies ALWAYS stick with you. CHECK), missing the snout like a well-earned, ravage-turned, deeply-churned, sweetly-spooned lover (CHECK), regret at the teeth rot & sugary descent into doughnuts & Madelaines & the peanut cookies (CHECK), regret at the smuggery (CHECK), regret at the polite fag decline (CHECK) and now waiting & waiting (normally a delicious tease on Dr Bs nerves, but now an irratic drip) towards the purported state of smoke-free L-I-B-E-R-A-T-I-O-N (CHECK)
Posted on: Wed, 16 Apr 2014 06:59:56 +0000
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