4 Reasons why criticism affects you badly Why criticism hurts Ever wondered why criticism is so hard to take? Ever wondered why can a negative comment affect you badly but never affects a friend of yours? A friend of mine asked me once how to get over emotional sensitivity, I told her: Once you know how to handle criticism, negative comments wont affect you even if you are emotionally sensitive. In this article I will tell you why criticism hurts and let you know how to prevent critical comments from hurting you. 4 Reasons why criticism affects you badly Here is why criticism hurts: 1) You mistakenly connected the negative comment to a wound: We humans are always biased towards our beliefs even when they are incorrect, as a result; whenever we get criticized we quickly try to connect the negative comment we got with one of our wounds. If three people were rejected in a job interview then the one who doesnt like his looks will believe he wasnt accepted because he is not good looking, the one who doesnt believe that he is smart will believe that he was rejected because of his low IQ while the one who thinks that he is boring will believe that he was rejected for that same reason. In fact all three could have been rejected for completely different reasons than the ones that came to their minds but because we humans are biased towards our beliefs we usually interpret rejection and criticism incorrectly 2) You never took the human nature into consideration: One of the sites readers contacted me and told me that she feels so bad because a friend told her that she is not pretty. After further investigation we found that her friend was jealous and she just wanted to put her down. In other words, people who say negative things about you arent always right but they sometimes try to put you down out of jealousy or even hatred. 3.) Uncertainty hurts - If someone will tell a valedectorian that shes stupid then of course shell reply that the person who told her is the one who has the probllem, but what if a guy who is uncertain of his abilities and someone told him the same? wouldnt it hurt? What if your uncertain of how you look or your clothes and someone criticize you like ugly or man you look like a clown with your shirt it will hur probably 4) You gave a different meaning to the words you heard: If someone told you that you are incompetent because you didnt do a certain task well then this doesnt mean that you are incompetent in general but it might mean that they wanted to tell you that you could have done better. Criticism hurts because we give different meanings to the words we hear and the situations we go through. I know a friend who used to believe that a person who moves their eyebrow while talking to him is a person that dislikes him! When we examined that false belief together we discovered that he had been interpreting words and messages incorrectly throughout his life and thats why he always felt rejected See the real world If you want to prevent criticism from hurting you then you must see the real world. If you have been looking at life through your wounds lens, then its time to drop that lens and see reality. The reality why your world revolves around your childhood wounds why your world revolves around your childhood wounds Motivation is a complex drive. The question what motivates a human being can only be correctly answered when you first understand that more than one motivating force can motivate the same person. One of the most powerful motivating forces that can motivate a person is the presence of a psychological wound. No matter how balanced a person is or how careful his parents were while raising him there will always be a good chance that he develops a psychological wounds while growing up. (see also How parents affect child development Psychological wounds dont just make people sensitive to certain types of criticism but they can sometimes become the center of the persons life and the primary motivating force that fuels his actions. How psychological wounds affects a persons life What do you mean!! That was the response of Brian who was totally annoyed by a comment that was said by one of his friends. When the friend said Its OK, you dont have to come with us if you dont want Brian felt really annoyed and kept questing the intentions of his friend. When Brian was young he always felt that his parents didnt love him that much. This problem developed because the way Brian believed others should treat him with if they loved him differed from the way his parents used to express their love to him. (see Does time really heal wounds?) This psychological wound rested in Brains subconscious mind and kept growing with him while affecting many of the actions he takes in life. Here is how that wound affected brains life: Affected his perception of criticism: Brains friend wasnt sure if he preferred to be with them that day and thats why he asked him that question. Brain, on the other hand, interpreted the question incorrectly because of his already existing wound. He thought that his friends didnt like him that much and that they didnt want him to spend the day with them! (see also Why criticism hurts) Affected his Behavior: Brain was always afraid to repeat the same past again and thats why he always did his best to win the love of others even if the cost was sacrificing his own rights. Brain was never assertive, he said yes to anyone and never dared to say no! (see Unmet needs psychology) It affected his relationships and love life: I have said earlier in my article Love psychology that people fall in love with others when they match their subconscious criteria. For Brian, the only important criteria was being loved even if the person who loved him was not good for him! Because he was wounded long ago and deprived of love he started getting attached to whomever shows him that he loves him Fears and psychological wounds Yours fears will always be connected to your psychological wounds. People become afraid when they find that one of their wounds is about to get exposed or when they find that the same bad past they have been through is about to repeat itself. This is why a person who always felt unworthy when he was a child hates to be seen wearing average looking clothes or driving an average car. These events remind that person of his old wound and thats why he fears them. Fear can be a powerful motivating force and at the core of this fear you might find a psychological wound that the person developed in his childhood. Learn how to understand the intentions of the people you deal with; know how to interpret their words correctly and criticism wont affect you the same way it used to. source: 2knowmyself
Posted on: Sat, 04 Oct 2014 02:52:53 +0000
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