4 years drug free today. My future hangs on this: You make preciousness from dust. Please dont stop creating me. I remember hating myself for years. I remember every failure, every hard feeling, every let down, every twisted thought, every instance of unforgiveness always motivating me to chase the next high- which would start the vicious cycle over again. I always felt so helpless and if I couldnt control anything, I could always get high and be in control of my reality. I always knew that God had called me, that He set me apart for Good... but this often got drowned out by an unmanageable feeling of self-hatred and unworthiness. Each failure, every time I made yet another disgraceful choice, every time I looked in the mirror I thought Why even try? I will never fulfill my calling. I will eventually fail. I may as well continue what im doing and death will come quicker. I have always been an extremely messed up vessel. This I know. I know that I still am a mess! But my failures now lead me back to my Creator instead of away from Him; they lead me to repentance instead of guilt and condemnation. Every time I fail I am reminded that apart from Him I am nothing.. but with Him I can do all things. I am the first to admit that my flesh is UGLY.. but when I am in the anointing, I am radiant. To live and move and breathe by that Spirit: to have Love, peace, patience, kindness, goodness and longsuffering be the song of my heart. That is my desire. I am so thankful and completely humbled for the transformation that has happened in my soul. My God is so faithful so patient and SO POWERFUL. There my world begins again with You.
Posted on: Sun, 06 Apr 2014 15:36:07 +0000
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