8 years ago you told me earlier in the day of the 17th that tonight is the night, its time, Im ready. I remember climbing on the floor on my knees to hold your hands. You said we cant tell anyone because then we wont be alone. You hated watching your brother Danny hour by hour dying. You didnt want that. And so began the most painful day of my life. Knowing it would be yourlast on earth but trying to pretend everything was status quo. Dont tell family .., dont tell the girls let them have their last childhood event. The homecoming dance. The last words you ever spoke to the girls was pretty. & They were! Sam Hodgson, Taylor June, Katie OConnor. While I knelt on that pillow beside the bed we said everything we could think to say. I told you, with tears streaming down both our eyes, how we would be ok. The girls and I, how I could have never been loved better, cared for better, had a better, step dad for my girls, best friend, husband, lover, soul mate in my life. As we squeezed hands and cried we desperately questioned if there was anything we might have missed, forgotten to say, some magic words. But then we knew I love you and am so proud of you was all we both needed to say because every day we had the magic. We said how we felt. We loved often, laughed always, and lived a lifetime shrunk into a short amount of time. We knew that the have I told you lately how much I love you question with the , well if you mean more than this morning, this afternoon etc....answer was more than just teasing . It was us showing and saying everyday, all day how we felt. So there would be no need to worry about more magic moments. We had that every day. Truly. Just tears and Thank yous to each other for being the most amazing pl we had ever known for each other. I kissed your lips and told you I would be ok. We would all be ok. That it was OK to go. And at 4 am you grabbed my hand as your spirit left this world. for weeks you had been staring in the right corner telling Claudia and I you dont know those men ( After calming your fears by saying I didnt think they were here to take you but rather to help you when you were ready, you stopped worrying about the pl in the corner.) As you grabbed my hand I opened my eyes realizing this was it I reached for you looked up to see the most brilliant blue and turquoise hue colored lobe floating to that very corner. When it was gone. So were you... I miss you more every year. RIP my love . We are ok. The girls are great. I will be fine some day. You were my love of life my soul , my best friend. & I to you. Finding away to keep on without you is a daily struggle but I have the girls & Owen to think of. And the promise I made you and myself. so life goes on.
Posted on: Tue, 18 Nov 2014 06:43:52 +0000
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