#856 #FUMBLING_FOR_INTERNAL_BLISS_AND_ETERNITY If you dont feel like living for your sake, then live for someone elses sake! said a stranger. Idk who was he his name nothing. His single sentence is a bunch of #golden_words for me. And thats the reason i stand here, am surviving not for me but somebody else. At times, a nice journey is the one that even the traveller doesnt know where + how + when would it end? Am walking on a road that seems to never end. Though it should because luck cant be that lame. It might sound a melodrama to you [well idc] but in helix [ +2 ], somewhere somehow i lost my dignity, my characteristic features. And the reason being pretty petty reasons (not worth mentioning) that shouldnt affect my health and happiness but unfortunately it does. Now all i aim and starve for is the real me. And if it comes to career medical studies and all that stuff, then all i need is #ME. Then i would be confident enough to say AIPMT is in my hands! Things that make me tensed is that #precisely #115 #days_for_AIPMT_and #99 #chapters_to_cover.. I ought to hurry and find myself. With all such intentions and plannings, i get up in the morning, dress up, attend the tuitions and come back happily. Then i pick up my books sit back and study a bit. And most of the times due to my sleepy nature i end up having a nap. When i open my eyes, all my gathered spirit and confidence shatters like huh! I find myself traumatised. I dont find anything good. I start to miss him who might not be worthy of my tears. I wish someday i sleep and never get up, someday i disappear with no pains and giving no pain to anyone. And then i remember those #golden_words. Ok! I need to survive! Perhaps as a #walking_corpse_with_no_soul. But i wont end giving up. Besides all, i eat well + i sleep more well+ hangout with my friends + giggle + enjoy nightouts + laugh. No one could ever make out that internal pain, that soul shouting to come out, until i share. I avoid not to because the world is too mean to help indeed gets annoyed + frustrated + infuriated listening to others fix. Sometimes they might be wrong but i need to agree and walk away. I just used to think no one understands me and cares for and now i analysed and experienced yes! #no_one_cares_or_understand literally! I go via alternate periods of excitement and depression. During later, i feel myself like an injured bird trapped in this static world, suffocated by the chains of depression + regret + sorrow + grieves. I flatter my wings, i sigh, i cry, i miss him, but who cares???? Doh! Am emotional fool! Am sentimental! I wana fly but.... To be continued..... [Till i find #ME ] Yours sincerely, #SURVIVING_CORPSE
Posted on: Mon, 05 Jan 2015 03:17:19 +0000
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