A Few Tips to Deal/Help Those Who Have Recently Suffered A Great Loss 1. Dont forget about them. Yes, the first few weeks/months are tremendously painful...but so are the weeks/months/years that follow. I know it is so easy to get caught up in our everyday life that we forget about the loss of others since it seems to not be so raw, but if you can, remind them you are thinking/praying for them. 2. Dont get your feelings hurt if they dont respond to texts or they didnt send you a thank you. I have been on the other side of this and now I feel so incredibly selfish for getting my feelings hurt when I didnt hear back from friends who were going through a loss. I didnt get it then but I do now. I wish I could respond to every text, and sometimes I mean to and then forget (same with thank yous). I truly appreciate every kind word I receive, and I read them all. I am beyond thankful for each and every thoughtful gift. I really, really am. 3. Dont quit including them on invitations. Even if they have said no numerous times, keep including them. They are not intentionally not wanting to do things with you and they are not trying to be rude....sometimes they really dont have it in them or they might genuinely be busy or have previous plans. 4. Please realize that during the first, oh I dont know, months, maybe years...this is not the time to look to them to fix your problems. I know this sounds heartless, but especially if they admit they are having a really rough day...and then you say, well let me tell you what my so and so did and then you know my so and so is having problems with so and so. It takes everything I/those suffering have to just make it through our days. Not that your problems are not important-they are. But right now, we cant bear extra burdens. 5. Dont change the subject abruptly if they mention the one they lost. Its kinda a slap in the face. Also, dont be afraid to still mention the one who was lost. I dont know about all, but I still enjoy talking about my Tate. I promise, I will let you know if I dont want to talk about him or his loss. 6. Dont judge. Everyone grieves differently and thats OK. Allow them to do so. Until you have been there, you really dont have a right to say anything to them, or anyone, in regards to how/what you think they should do/not do. 7. Dont be afraid to tell them something they saw, heard, felt, etc. that reminded you of their lost one. I love being reminded of his life-good and bad...lol. (The time he peed on the patio at a restaurant because he was mad I took his sister first to go potty-now its funny....wasnt so much then). 8. Keep praying for them. 9. Be very sensitive to making generalizations ( at least you still have another child, at least you had ___ years with him, at least they died __________). Also, unless its a child that has been lost, please know these situations are 100% different than a different loss. ( I know I have said this before). 10. Make it easier on them by making the small decisions for them if you can. I know it sounds petty, but even have to chose a place to meet you for dinner can be super stressful. Maybe I am speaking for myself but I love when my friends just tell me what we are gonna do. It makes it so much easier. And last but not least...just because they look like they have it all together...they really dont. I can put on a brave face all day long but still cry myself to sleep each night. Dont assume they are moving on (and can I just mention that I hate that term...I dont know why but it irks me). Just remember to love. Above all things...love. Just love on them. Love your family. Love the widows and orphans...and love Jesus. For real. He is all we have in this world that we can truly never lose.
Posted on: Fri, 11 Jul 2014 16:43:29 +0000