A HIGHER INSTITUTION STUDENT AND THE 1000TH WAY TO DIE!! So this morning, I came online here only to be greeted by the puzzling news that a certain guy in one of the higher institutions here in Akwa Ibom state had decided to take his life because he WAS JILTED BY A LADY!! My first reaction to the story was to dismiss it as one of the concoctions of Nigerian bloggers or perhaps as one of those bland and shabbily cobbled stories by the administrators of the numerousPLEASE TYPE AMEN IF YOU HAVE A HEART pages. But if by any stretch of the imagination, this story turns out to be true, then I must say that I would have to call my grandad to give the young man at least 62 lashes on his bare buttocks once he arrives in hades! I mean, who does that? Take the dishonourable path of taking your life because some girl that never gave a hoot about your damn feelings decided to walk? Nigga Please! So of all the 1-999 ways to die as a Nigerian, you had to shamelessly settle for the 1000 way - Committing suicide because of some lame EPHEMERAL feelings? WHY COULDNT YOU AT LEAST WAIT TO BE KILLED BY A STAMPEDE DURING A JOB RECRUITMENT EXERCISE, OR PERHAPS WAIT TO BE KILLED BY A TRIGGER-HAPPY COPS ON YOUR WAY BACK FROM A TARRY FROM CHURCH? I mean Nigga you just chickened out so soon!! Do you know that if I wanted to thread the path that youve just done, my tombstone should have read Here lies the remains of Borono Bassey, Our son who died at the age of 5! 1905-1910. Piece of advice: When next you come to the world, that is if theyd ever allow you to come back, do not, I REPEAT, DO NOT try to erase someone else record. SET A NEW ONE. If my memory has not failed me, what you just did was a desperate attempt at trying to erase the sparkling record set by St. Valentine. But you failed woefully. Better luck next time! #RESUMESPICKINGBEANS!!
Posted on: Sat, 12 Jul 2014 09:36:35 +0000
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