A SOLO DANCE OF SHAME I was a bit discombobulated yesterday because I had to go in for some Periodontic Surgery (nothing serious, but Id never done it before). After shopping at the store for some soft foods to eat these next few days, I was loading my car with bags and the cart began moving on its own. I heard someone say: Watch that shopping cart! and then another nice man grabbed it in time so it didnt get away from me. I thanked him and wedged it into some bags of fertilzer so it wouldnt move again. I could have probably taken it back into the store, but I was not thinking too swiftly---and was behind schedule. . I hear this guy coming across the street, saying to me: If it wasnt for that guy, you would have caused damage to my car. Since its plain youre not going to take that cart in, Ill do it for you. As he walked past me with a huff of disdain, grabbing the cart, and taking it into the store.....I turned around a noticed that his car was the shiniest new Mercedes that Id seen in a long time. He was one of those slick business types, wearing shorts and sunglasses,drinking coffee at a nearby Starbucks. I was going to say: Gee, Im sorry about that ......because I really was being spacey....but I realized that he had never really looked at me at all. He was just mouthing off his diatribe, like someones grumpy Dad...demeaning a little kid. For a moment, time seemed to stop. And I stood silently and peacefully watching the whole event happen in slow-motion. In that moment, I was him as a little boy, and he was his Dad (or some other authority figure)....railing against me for not being physically present in my body. The same thing had happened to me as a kid, and happens to countless other kids too. Its a SHAME GAME that is passed on from generation to generation.....,and its a solo dance at that. Id done it myself as a parent---especially with Jeffrey, because Jeffrey frequently goes out of his body when we are in public. In that moment, the whole game stood out for me like a mini movie. Since the guy never really looked at or spoke to me personally, I never responded back to him. I just stood there, watching the whole event unfold. Nowadays, I make it a point not to interact with folks who are grumpy or disrespectful when they approach me unless Im legally required to. I just figure theyre generating their own drama, and who am I to interfere? Theres a difference for me today---between being triggered by life and being fully present and aware within it. Learning how to be an older guy means learning to slow down, pay attention to what Im doing, and occasionally being vulnerable and spacey. I can either demean myself for it---by internally whacking myself for not being perfect---or I can catch myself in the middle of a Shame Dance, give myself a hug, and defuse that inner dialogue from poisoning my day. Yesterday, I chose the latter. And I DO sympathize with that poor fellow too. After all, my little Kia is just a car. His shiny Mercedes is an extension of his dick. :-) No wonder he has to sit and watch it. :-)
Posted on: Fri, 22 Aug 2014 15:38:04 +0000
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