A Snake in the grass. It was summer in Central Pennsylvania and hot and sticky and we had hay to bale. First cutting of the year is always a dusty hot job but to be honest it was kind of fun. Hey when youre 19 years old and on an old farm, way out in Sinking Valley with an old guy of indeterminate age, you learn to enjoy life as it comes. Plus lunchtime was well worth waiting for when working for old Lester. Wed take the old Farmall tractor down the hill to the barn and hop in the old pick up and head off for Kates Diner. Old Lester was on the tractor and I was on the ground grabbing bales off the baler and tossing them into a hay wagon. Id grab the first row off the baler from the wagon, and the rest from the ground, tossing them high onto the row of bales and then climbing up to stack them to take the next row. I enjoyed this job usually. Usually. We had been working for a couple hours and had gone to lunch. Once back we climbed on the tractor...me on the fender and Lester on the seat...and went back up to the hay field. Id just jumped down from the tractor when I jumped back up. Lester looked at me startled and in his gruff voice asked, Whats the problem Scanda-hoo-vian?... (that meant sort of Scandanavian...as my brother and I used to talk in that accent which we copied from an old movie...Lester thought it was hilarious)... I looked at him, my mouth dry...my eyes bugged out and said, Snake....theres a snake.....over there...in the grass? a snake...Lester...theres a snake over there...We should go somewhere else and bale hay.....because....um.... Because theres a snake over there? Yeah that...glad you see it my way. He wont like the tractor or the baler... hes not gonna hang around. What color was it? SNAKE COLOR! He snickered and asked, What color snake color? BROWN! How big? SNAKE SIZE! I mean...about 5 feet long! and fat! He looked over my shoulder and caught a glimpse...giggling a little he said, Thats a rat snake....He eats little critters...hes not interested in your skinny ass. I was unconvinced but went back to the wagon to continue baling. We had been working for about 45 minutes and I was in a good rhythm, tossing bales over my head... and jumping on the wagon to stack them in staggered rows. The hot sun had me soaked with sweat and feeling good, almost forgetting about the dinosaur snake that waited patiently for me to fall asleep so he could swallow me whole. About this time i grabbed a bale from the baler and raised it above my head to toss it to the last row on this wagon,when the bale shivered. Then it writhed under my hand. I looked up at the bale, raised above my head, to see the head of that rat snake looking out at me, as confused about what the heck just happened as I was. I bravely froze in my tracks...the bale extended over me....unable to make an actual sound, or move...or breathe...which was a good thing because I would have said something obscene if I had been able to talk. The snake slowly extricated itself from the tight hay bale and even more slowly worked his way..... DOWN MY ARM!!!!! He was heading for the ground. He passed my face looking at me as if Id done him wrong and likely wondering what that smell was....and I looked into his eyes...BUG -EYED....unable to scream but knowing if I did hed bite my face to shut me up...and he might anyhow....I mean...hed just been baled into a hay bale and gone through a baler..I doubt he was pleased. My mouth was hanging wide open but i was afraid to close it though I figured if I didnt hed just climb in there and kill me graveyard dead. About this time Lester stopped baling and shut down the old Farmall....and stared at me, taking it all in, his body shaking with contained laughter. The snake worked his way down my body heading toward the ground and HEY dont touch that..and Good Grief make this be over....and as soon as he hit the ground and slithered off to his evil demonic lair, Lester lost it. The dam on his laughter broke and he almost doubled over, wiping his eyes with one hand and holding his stomach with the other as he hissed his growly laugh. I stood still in shock for a few minutes til I was able to talk...I elequently said, GARRRRRRRGH!!! AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!... ( I think I spelled that right)....as poor Lester fought back a broken blood vessel as he laughed even harder. See Scandahoovian....He Was more scared of you than you were of him! Oh yeah? Guess which one of us needs to change his shorts! Cue Old guy laughter in 3 - 2 - 1......
Posted on: Mon, 03 Feb 2014 17:44:03 +0000
Trending Topics
© 2015