A True Friend Sometimes in life we are blessed with a good friend. A friend who will ask you the hard, difficult questions and expect the truth! A friend who knows you through and through and dares to call you on your “stuff.” Someone not afraid to tell you when you are “blowing it!” AND not afraid to share when they feel they are. A friend not afraid to apologize and forgive. Sam was that kind of friend! Sam took integrity and justice over the comfortableness of “friendship” The RIGHT kind of friend, the one who dared to CHALLENGE you - Rather than always agree with you. A true friend! I am spending time with one of my TRUE childhood friends. Someone who knows me knows my family and knows my secrets. She asked me a hard question A question I did not take lightly A question I thought about for a while Those questions that make you: Think Ponder And soul search She asked me if I had any regrets about this past year with my Sammy. WHAM …………….. So many directions you can take with that question I looked away because she was not looking for an answer She was reaching into my heart. She was not asking for information… She was asking for feeling and emotion and inner truth. The thing is, I had actually thought about it a lot. There were so many decisions about medical procedures, medications, and medical appointments. Big decisions… life altering decisions. I am confident in my hard decisions I made as a single mom and the sole decision maker responsible for Sam’s medical care. There were so many educational decisions, financial decisions, and practical decisions. But we did it together. Sam and I became a formidable team on an unfortunate journey. But I would not have asked for a better teammate. Sam took teammate to a higher level. There was so much room for error, mistakes and………. well regret Here is what I know… I do confess. I do have one BIG regret! It is a regret that almost haunts me if I dare to think about it. I regret I did not STOP and watch and listen to my Sam play guitar more. What I would give to watch my boy play his guitar again. The joy, the talent, the abandonment, the music! That boy who played guitar in the hospital while totally blind! That boy! The story about Sam starting playing the guitar is actually rather humorous. Sammy originally started playing keyboard. I was a “typical” mom who insisted he practice everyday according to the timer I set. I knew he was “over it” when I walked in and he was beating his keyboard with a Lincoln log. YIKES! He told me he wanted a guitar instead. I explained I was not about to simply buy him a guitar. So in Sam-like determination – he saved and earned money for over 8 months and bought himself a guitar. He was 9 years old when he ordered his first guitar from Costco. What a great and glorious day when his guitar finally arrived. What a disappointment when Sam opened the box to realize it was not tuned It lacked the instant gratification he was looking for. I was glad I did not purchase the guitar as it collected neglected dust in the corner of his room. BUT – I knew my Sammy… I just knew he wanted to play the guitar. But how to get there? Here is what I know – I know MY Sam So, I figured the way I get Sam to play the guitar is to buy an electric guitar for JESSE. Crazy as it sounds ……… I knew that would motivate Sam Long story short That is what it took for Sam to start teaching himself guitar. Here is the full circle Sam’s determination paid off. He loved the guitar; he played beautiful music with his friends And we gained a wonderful, amazing and loving community with The Rockshop Academy. They accepted us, loved us and embraced us. The Rockshop became home. The full circle is that is where our friends are. Sam’s best friends. His buddies His bros Rockshop is where we had Sam’s 16th surprise birthday party Where Sammy was on the advisory board for the non-profit A special place where Sam’s Make A Wish party was celebrated! Where Sam wanted to be. Just simply be He spent many of his last hours out of the hospital there At Rockshop with George. An amazing mentor Sam absolutely adored! Sometimes in life we are blessed with a good friend. Again, I mention at the celebration memorial service how many youth claimed My Sam as a good friend. A best friend! What a legacy What a tribute What a kid!!! So, when a true friend asked me about my regret……… It gets complicated It is complicated and here is why. I thought I would give ANYTHING to watch my Sammy play the guitar again However, the doctors told me if they revived Sammy from his coma They would have to take his hands. The morbid truth is his hands were not getting enough blood. The doctor was talking about the removal of his left hand and Fingers of his right as a life saving strategy. The parody of saving his life by taking his hands???? To my Sam, My water polo star, My guitar player OUR Sam - Our helper Our lifter Our hugger It was suggesting demolishing his quality of life! It was taking away the thing he did best. Touch others! Sometimes in life we are blessed with a good, true friend. A friend who will ask you the hard, difficult questions. YES, my regret is the same. I would wish I watched my Sammy play more guitar. The Irony is painful! There was no way. NO WAY! That boy was going to wake up without hands! That boy fought the good fight! That boy who was determined, amazing and generous! That boy who lived life with no regrets! That boy who touched SO many! That boy who was a good friend!
Posted on: Sat, 18 Oct 2014 12:45:18 +0000
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