A bully pretends to be a victim in order to manipulate others .. Because most people are good and compassionate, this is bullying at its worst .. When a bully acts like a victim, he/she gains the unwitting compliance of others into bullying you. Naive, compassionate people will chastise you for not caring about the bullys victimization and not changing your behavior to meet the bullys desires .. Although this particularly nasty form of bullying occurs occasionally in the workplace, it is more common at home, where it represents emotional blackmail .. A bully exaggerates the impact of your actions on him/her! - He/She exaggerates his/her pain and suffering - He/She makes you feel guilty for causing his/her pain - He/She claims you dont appreciate him/her. A bully focuses on past and future victimization! - He/She frequently reminds you of your past actions that hurt him/her - He/She replays his/her pain whenever he/she wants to manipulate you - He/She brings up his/her pain long after the event occurred - He/She doesnt seem to get over things - He/She says you will hurt him/her again if you dont do what he/she wants A bully uses his/her victimization to avoid changing his/her behavior! - He/She says you must earn back his trust, good will, friendship, support - He/She claims his/her belligerence results from his/her being treated unfairly - He/She becomes angry and indignant when you try to reason with him/her - He/he says he/she is tired of doing all the compromising - He/She says he/she isnt going to be so polite in the future - He/She suggests that others are ganging up on him. Suggests that you are the one bullying and causing harm to deflect and achieve pity The favorite phrases of a bully playing the victim .. You deserted me in my hour of need. You betrayed my trust in you. Why are you ruining it for the rest of us? Dont you want to help us succeed instead of standing in our way? You hurt me when you did that.(or said that) You hurt my feelings when you did that.(or said that). You hurt others when you did that.(or said that). You hurt the company when you did that.(or said that). Go ahead and enjoy yourself. Ill be okay. I dont mind. I work really hard for the company. How can you be so selfish? How could you do this to me? I thought I could count on you. I thought we had an understanding. I thought we were friends. You caused my pain, and now youre making it worse. Save me from my pain by doing what I want you to.
Posted on: Sun, 27 Jul 2014 01:23:20 +0000