A few days ago, I was watching Through the Wormhole on the Science Channel and they were discussing a theory which says we live in parallel with all of the divergent choices we might have made at those significant crossroads in our lives. In essence, there is a version of each choice and the consequences, accomplishments, trials and tribulations of each of them, in existence. This stayed with me and while working a tedious menial job today, which I took so I might eat tonight, my mind wandered over those strategic points of my life thus far. I must say, if Im totally honest, that I might like to see or even be in one of those where daily life isnt such a struggle, if there even is such a thing. If this one path Ive chosen were to blossom as I had planned it would, I would indeed be happy that I had come along this road and made the collection of choices I have made in the consciousness through which I live. I dont know if I will make it to this blossoming sometimes. I drift back and forth across the line of hope with each huge failure and the slightest hint of success. My dream is to see my artwork realized and recognized. Thats really all I want anymore. It is a different day than when I was a teenager. Back then, I had hoped for a relationship first and foremost. One that would grow with both of us and that I could spend my life nurturing and cultivating, a stellar love that would burn its place in history with all of the great love stories. Im sure, at this point, I dont have to stress that Im a dreamer and to dream is to risk. Im really fine not having accomplished this great love, as I have had to come to terms with it. I have yet to be in a relationship where the other even sees me and I must bear the responsibility for this, I suppose. Anyway, enough looking backward, forward is the only way through. Now I only hope that I dont go the way of many great artists, only to have my work, my contribution, recognized after Ive gone. However, if this is the case, itll be better than nothing. At the least, I will have brought some happiness and laughter and light to those who understand and enjoy it. PS> I have received some hatefully negative messages after some of my posts where I divulge the depth of my heart, so in advance, I want to say, this is like a journal to me. I need to process and get things out in front of me so I can see them properly. If it offends anyone, Im truly sorry, but to go on, it must be said. My heart bursts with love for those who have been so supportive and encouraging and you will live forever in my consciousness with much gratitude.
Posted on: Mon, 07 Apr 2014 04:09:25 +0000