A few of my friends have posted this article in the last few days, and while I initially agreed with it, after thinking about it awhile, I have some issues with it. It suffers from the idea of how things should be rather than how they really are. Its idealistic to think that if your partner left you then there was definitely something wrong with the relationship in the first place. The reality is that most people dont want to be alone (even though the canard that everyone throws around is its better to be alone than be with the wrong person) and theyre going to be with one person if theyre not with another. (See also Tim Minchins If I Didnt Have You.) The truth is that ALL relationships have problems. Its just what set of problems youre willing to live with. If you scratch beneath the surface of this idealistic notion that people cant be stolen, what you arrive at is a few rather dark implications. Firstly, that its your fault (or the relationships fault) if your partner leaves you - if somehow you were a better person, they wouldnt want to leave. As such, it also selfishly absolves the person doing the leaving of any guilt from their actions. Theres another difficult implication as well, that if the relationship didnt work out, its because they werent the right person for you. I disagree with this because theres no such thing as one right person for everyone. Theres any number of people that you could make a decent go with. If you leave your current partner, youre essentially trading one set of problems for another. All that being said, Im not meaning to say that you should stay with someone if theres someone better out there for you. Personally I would not want someone to stay with me knowing theyd rather be with someone else. But dont do mental gymnastics like this to absolve yourself from the hurt youre about to inflict. I do think its annoying when people blame the poacher instead of the poachee, when the poacher had no commitment to the person getting hurt. The poachee is absolutely responsible for their choice to leave. It is also true that those most easily poached are in relationships that are likely troubled to begin with - but thats not always the case. I see this article as idealism coming up against cold hard scientific fact of the study.
Posted on: Tue, 11 Nov 2014 01:29:12 +0000
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