A few years ago, I wrote a book called BRO-JITSU: The Martial Art of Sibling Smackdown. It was all about how to conduct sibling combat. I thought the book was hilarious but unfortunately it was marketed directly to little kids and the American Library Association warned parents not to buy it. That was pretty much that, and it hasnt been very popular. BUT I just received an email that was both hilarious and touching from a young person who did read and appreciate the book. I share it below, with permission from the author. Thanks, Sammie! Dear Mr. Wilson, My little sister absolutely despises your book. That being said, I absolutely love Bro-Jitsu, and probably for the same reasons that she hates it. It wasnt a particularly promising first encounter; I found your book by accidentally dropping my bag in the library and then hitting my head on the shelf it was on as I tried to pick everything up. But once I saw your book, I knew that this was my chance to finally become the true older sister I knew I could be. Im a freshman, and while shes only in seventh grade, my little sister had been gifted with a natural sense of sibling combat. I had long since given up on besting her, but after I read your book, I became faster, wiser, and much more accomplished at being annoying. While reading it, I was a little skeptical of some methods, but they proved to be extremely effective (my favorite remains the Im not touching you! poke). All in all, I would call this volume necessary for all siblings to read before they do something awful, like getting along, those barbarians. Bro-Jitsus user-friendly lay out made it easy for me to find the perfect taunt for any situation. I loved being able to flip to a section on defense or poolside tactics with a moments notice. It was also helpful that some of the more potent moves had warnings on them. I personally would never have dreamed of actually doing a purple-nurple to my sister, but apparently some misguided souls needed a warning against that. Im sure their sisters thank you, Mr. Wilson. The illustrations were also really nice in showing how to execute some of the classic moves. It was a little distracting to be reading about serious subjects such as referee interference on one page while a kid was getting a wedgie on the other. Distracting, but also very amusing. Being the worrywart that I am, I was also happy that the book laid out some ground rules at the very beginning. I wouldnt want any siblings to get hurt while someone was honing their skills. Well, seriously hurt, at least. Annoyance and the occasional taunt are necessary for a normal life. As I draw this letter to close, Mr. Wilson, I remain a true student of Bro-Jistu: dedicated, always ready, and still kind of defensive with my little sister. She may be my greatest foe, but as you said yourself, siblings are going to stick around for the rest of your life, and I guess shes really not all that terrible, even if she is still better at Bro-Jitsu than me. If you were ever to revise the Bro-Jitsu manual, I would recommend including the one time your sibling becomes your one and only hope: family reunions. This is the only place where you and your sibling can work together to avoid dangers with moves such as the Great-Aunt Lipstick Dodge, Two-Fisted Grab From the Candy Bowl, and the infamous Fix With Tape, used whenever something somehow gets broken while you two are just minding your own business. I would be honored to assist if you ever needed more ideas for family reunion tactics. Trust me, if these moves are effective against my family, they are effective against any. Thanks for reading, Mr. Wilson. Please keep writing your books! (I heard the Robopocalypse movie adaptation of your book is going to be directed by Steven Spielberg. Thats going to be awesome. I cant wait to see it!) Yours truly, Sammie, Bro-Jitsu black belt
Posted on: Mon, 08 Sep 2014 20:36:05 +0000
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