A pizza infused brawl just broke out on the Orange Line and it was entirely my fault. Here’s the story: Shortly after boarding an incredibly packed rush hour train one of the men standing uncomfortably close to me started yelling to himself. “UGH! YOU SMELL THAT ONION? PEOPLE ARE DISGUSTING. A HUMAN BEING… SHOULD NOT… SMELL LIKE AN ONION.” The irate man had presumed the smell of the BBQ chicken pizza I took on board with that of a human being radiating unfortunate body odor. His voice grew increasingly more furious. Through clenched teeth he began yelling, “YOU NEED SOAP… AND WATER. YOU PEOPLE DISGUST ME!” And then suddenly an old man jumped up from his seat in the corner of the train and shouted firmly, “Oh yeah? What if I’m the one that smells like onion?” The first man snapped back, “You got a problem, old man? You wanna step outside?” The old man fired back, “Maybe I do. And maybe I don’t even smell like onions, but I don’t think it’s right that you keep talking about the people on the train that way.” They started shoving each other and that quickly escalated into punches. The first man’s mother, an older woman who shared a striking resemblance to Yoda, kept pulling on his arm and insisting everyone come back inside the train and calm down. The whole time I wanted to yell out “I AM THE ONION SMELL! IT IS I WHO SMELLS LIKE ONION! I bought this BBQ chicken pizza for half-price at Uno’s cause sometimes I make poor decisions involving discounted food items” but instead I giggled uncontrollably and stealthily kept my pizza box close to my side. The men fought back and forth and eventually got off on the next stop to settle their argument. I continued to giggle uncontrollably. And that ladies and gentlemen is the Great BBQ Chicken (and Onion) Pizza Brawl of 2014. Happy Friday.
Posted on: Fri, 14 Nov 2014 23:56:41 +0000
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