A strong blended family requires a strong marriage Remarriage after divorce or the loss of a spouse brings with it an inherent set of additional challenges that first marriages don’t have. With remarriage, our nature is to compare our spouse today with our previous spouse. Then, there are all the challenges you encounter trying to blend two or more existing families together. On top of that are the ex-spouses that only care about destroying your new relationship. Remarriages fail more often and in less time than first marriages. So what can you do to increase your odds of success when creating a blended family? One of the first things you can do is to realize that your relationship with your spouse needs to be a much more important relationship than the relationship with your children. Most folks would say that their children are the most important thing in their life, but your children grow up and make their own lives leaving you, hopefully, with your spouse to spend many years growing old together. Raising your marriage relationship to the highest level possible demonstrates to your children how significant a husband/wife relationship is. When the children are elevated to a position of importance that is higher than your spouse, your spouse automatically becomes less important and often feels disrespected or unloved. When your life has been all about the children, once they eventually move on, you’re left in the house with a stranger. Many divorces occur when the nest is empty, because the spouses have neglected their spousal relationship for so long they no longer have much in common. One of the primary duties of a husband and a wife once they become parents is to be a good example to the children of how to be married. You can’t do this if your children are more important than your spouse. In blended families, this is critical. With children often coming from both spouses, the spouses need to set the tone immediately that it’s all about them and not about the children. The children will frequently be looking for ways to come between the parents and disrupt the new marriage. Husbands and wives need to show a unity and agreement about everything at least in front of the kids. Behind closed doors is where details of disagreements need to be worked out. Don’t be afraid to admit mistakes to your kids. Let them know you’re not perfect but that you are in agreement.
Posted on: Sun, 21 Jul 2013 17:16:15 +0000
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