*ANON* d really appreciate some advice from any of you wise mums - will try to be brief so will run across our facts: Background - first time mum to a 2yr old boy. Very difficult birth which had a profoundly damaging impact on us both and set me, as mum, onto dubious footing from the off. Since the beginning, sleep has been a major issue - for him principally but Id say we both have a sleep problem and he, in part feeds off me. He wakes repeatedly through the night, and often it is countless times. We co-sleep and have done since the beginning. He is still breastfeeding. On my own for eight months of last yr, as my husband works abroad. In the last quarter, my previously only-had-a-cold little one, fell headlong into 3months of back-to-back viruses with the added stress/trauma of a stream of febrile convulsions (fever-induced seizures). Dealing with those repeatedly (where he would lose full consciousness and stop breathing) often on my own, often with weeks of 1-2hrs sleep on account of him/me being ill , often calling the ambulance (when I couldnt get him breathing/conscious quickly) felt like it was going to push me to breakdown - I had never heard or seen one before he had one. I have since had a lot of success managing his fevers with homeopathy and we got through chicken pox etc and he has seemed stronger, immune-system wise since. My next complication is that my relationship with my husband has been very turbulent, abusive and largely unsupportive on every level. We are now in the process of separating. All of this has had a chronically depressive and exhausting effect on me but what I would like help with is the fallout all of this has had on my son who is incredibly sensitive and is being repeatedly spun out by my stress, by his own difficulties getting his head around the tensions between his parents, etc. He is super insecure, hyper-vigilant and unable to occupy himself for even a few mins on his own, follows me around - comes to the loo, in the shower with me etc, often very wired and tricky to put to bed. I cant attend to even the most basic of our needs - cooking a quick meal etc. This I recognise is partly his age, but also a reflection of what is going on. In addition, breastfeeding has become a major crutch for him - he asks to feed at any hint of worry, tension, rising voices, tiredness, needing some quality me. All of by this I understand and yet now I am really on my own (as opposed to sort of!), with over two years of backed up stress and very little sleep, it is increasingly hard to manage - I feel on the floor now with no resources going in to keep me going. Btw, he has seen a cranial osteopath regularly since birth - helpful to a certain degree. Current - we have made good progress with massively reducing the round the clock boob clamouring by day, he now feeds significantly less during the day and isnt asking for it every 3 seconds because he feels so wobbly. He is eating a lot more food as a result of both a release of some of the tension here and because he is feeding less. He still really struggles to feel secure/to occupy himself even for a few minutes. Often quick to anger. What I would like specific help with is gently and lovingly weaning him at night. It isnt serving either of us anymore - I am too, too tired to be able to cope with a circumstance that demands I do even more now, he is unable to sleep at night without feeding back to sleep when he wakes (which he still does - too often) and is often cross/brutal/lashes out if I try to refuse on the grounds that I am getting very sore/over chewed. Even if I offer cuddles, to sing songs/tell stories etc. He will, on good nights accept a feed, and if it goes on too long, me then saying, mummys getting tired now, lets both have a rest, at which point I coax him off and we lie like sardines. Any advice on a way forwards with gentle weaning - or any other insights - greatly appreciated. Really sorry for the essay post!
Posted on: Mon, 08 Sep 2014 14:02:56 +0000
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