ATOMIC BOMB (FART) Its 8.30a.m in the morning and I was still sleeping, was it due to the party I attended last night or the ogogoro I drank in mama Bukkys joint? I guess no cos I am found of sleeping. Deep inside my sleep I had a heavy knock on my door, it was mamas voice, òle omo alapamasise (Lazy boy) cant you look at the time you are still sleeping? when your mates are out there making money, my mother shouted from the door of my room. Her voice woke me up in anger and I had no choice than to get up because she will not stop knocking until she sees me outside. I finally got up and went straight to the sitting room, good morning ma! I uttered in a boned face, my mum just hissed and walked out of the sitting room. Who cares? I quickly rushed to the kitchen to serve my hungry stomach but no food in the kitchen except for the remains of beans left over last night. I had no choice than to eat it. Hmmmm! beans again? you this boy, I said to myself. Yes I dont like beans because I am not always comfortable anytime I eat beans, but what else will I eat? Nothing. After eating the little beans, I was not yet satisfied...oh God!!! Why this woman no cook? I asked myself in anger. Then something quickly came to my mind, Bola! yes Bola my long time girlfriend. There is no day I visit her that she wont feed me to my satisfaction. So I made up my mind to visit her, I quickly sent her pls call me from my phone. Cant u call her? a voice asked me. Call wetin? When I dont have kobo in my pocket talkless of credit to flash or call. Mtcheww!!! Silly MTN, when will they start giving free calls during the day? awon oloshi when will dis mumu girl saying (your account balance is too low for this call) die? so we can start making free calls, abegii; na dem sabi jare. After two minute, Bola called me and I told her I will be visiting her this morning and she told me she is expecting me. Early monday morning, you dey go woman house, you dis guy know dey shame, but wetin man pikin go do as I know get job nko? I have graduated since two years back with a second upper in Accounting but all my effort to get a job is fruitless... No be Nigeria?, If you dont have link with top people in office you cant get a job, what a Nation. After thinking about my jobless life for a while, I quickly rush to the bathroom to clean up and get ready for Bolas house. Its now 9.35a.m and I am ready to go. Chai!!! I will have to trek down to Bolas house again, na wa ooooo. As I was walking down to Bolas house, I started feeling little pain in my stomach... Not again! the bean had started mixing with my intestine. I know the result of my taking beans but I had no choice. Finally I arrived her house and with immediate effect she served me moi moi and pap(ogi). Huh... beans again, no prob. After eating, she asked me to join her family in the parlor to watch movie so I did. Her father, mother, two sisters and two visitors were all in the sitting room together with me and Bola. This time around the beans I ate at home and the moi moi Bola gave me started mixing with full speed in my stomach. I knew where the result is going but I locked up. After few minute Bolas dad polluted loudly dat everybody heard the sound and knew the direction it came from but we all pretended that we heard nothing. Wow! this is an opportunity for me to drop my atomic bomb boiling and mixing in my stomach. I dropped the first batch fiiieeee fiiieee (oh! Oluwaseun na silent one). After few seconds, the sitting room started smelling dead rat and spoilt eggs. Even the air fresheners that were hanged around the sitting room couldnt take the smell, dey all fell from the wall to the floor. In few seconds, another dropped from my Bottom fuuuuuuuu the smell started again, I noticed that the fishes in the aquarium had stop swimming and the paint in the sitting room started changing colour. Bola: Daddyyyyy! Bolas dad: Emi ko oooo (Its not me)... (staring at Bolas Mum) thats when we noticed that Bolas mum had passed out! Ehnnn she was sitting next to me but I didnt notice. Suddenly, the sound of the falling fishes from the aquarium woke her up, Yes! dis time around the fishes are all dead and the glass had broken in pieces too. I quickly told Bola... I am going and she nodded in agreement. FIAMMM, see speed... Tomorrow is another day!!! U cant imagine the havoc I caused...Hmm
Posted on: Fri, 24 Oct 2014 17:27:06 +0000
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