Advice on Living with No Regrets Posted by Judith Bond on 23 Jul 13 in Latest News, To Your Health | 1 Comment | Print Print | Elderly_peopleIf you’re looking on advice on living, turn to those who have lived the longest. That is the idea behind a recent book called “Thirty Lessons for Living: Tried and True Advice from the Wisest Americans” that offers practical advice from 1500 Americans, 70 to over 100 years of age, who were interviewed as part of the Cornell Legacy Project. The author, Karl Pillemer, a gerontologist and director of the Cornell Institute for Translational Research on Aging, calls his subjects “the experts,” and their advice is based on the experience of their long lives. Many of the interviews can be viewed at legacyproject.human.cornell.edu. According to recent articles in the New York Times, the Harvard Gazette and the Washington Post, Pillemer feels that we have lost the habit of asking the elderly for advice. Pillemer says, “Older people are our most credible source of information on how to live through hard times. They are masters and mistresses of resilience, and that’s something we can really learn from.” Pillemer is also impressed by research consistently showing the elderly to be happier than younger people, an idea that turns conventional thinking about aging on its head. The Legacy Project began by asking a simple question: “What are the most important lessons you have learned over your life?” Respondents included people from all walks of life. Pillemer said that he braced himself to receive clichéd responses such as “live life to the fullest,” but instead he ended up with thousands of pages of practical advice for meeting the challenges that we all face and living life without regrets. One almost unanimous refrain was the “fleeting nature of life.” A 99-year-old woman said, “I don’t know what happened, but the next thing you know you are 100.” Regarding careers, although many of the respondents had lived through the Depression and experienced hard economic times, instead of urging younger people to get high paying jobs, they unanimously said “Do something you love.” Based on their awareness of the shortness of life, everyone argued that you should not spend time doing something you don’t like. When asked to describe their biggest regret, the overwhelming majority said they regretted worrying so much. According to Pillemer, “The idea behind that again related to shortness of life. … The argument they make is that the mindless and ruminative worry over things one can’t control so effectively poisons life that it’s a waste of a precious lifetime.” The elders advised “always be honest” to avoid later remorse. And travel more when you’re young rather than wait until the children are grown or you are retired. The respondents felt that travel is so important that it is worth sacrifice. Respondents said that the young should not worry about getting older, as it is much better than expected. Some pointed out that each new decade brings different and unexpected opportunities. Most found that old age brought a sense of calm and contentment. Regarding marriage and parenthood, the elderly believe the most important thing is to marry someone who shares similar values and goals, and to spend more time with your children, in activities they enjoy, even if you must sacrifice to do so. Time spent together enables parents to nip problems in the bud, and to build shared values. Physical punishment should be avoided. Another recurring theme was the notion that we are responsible for our own happiness. Younger people tend to be happy ‘if only….’ The view from later on in life is that we should make a decision to be happy despite our circumstances. You may not have control of what happens to you, but you have control over your reactions. An 84-year-old said, “Adopt a policy of being joyful.” Rather than giving specific advice on health the majority said “Treat your body like you are going to need it for 100 years.” The elderly, Pillemer says, understand that modern medical advances mean that people with unhealthy lifestyles are “sentencing themselves to 20 or 30 years of chronic illness.” The main message: Life is precious, at any age. To learn more about the Legacy Project or to submit your own life lessons, go to legacyproject.human.cornell.edu. Ever
Posted on: Sat, 27 Jul 2013 15:15:37 +0000