After battling anxiety, depression, and suicidal thoughts for years, I decided to do a little test. Last night I spent 2 hours in the emergency room. I posted a picture of my armband and checked in at IVCH emergency room. Was I looking for attention? No. What I WAS looking for was proof that people still care about me. That maybe, just maybe, theres still a reason for me to stay. The results both gave me hope and hurt me. Although my diagnosis was a contusion on my foot, my picture gave no information as to why I was there. I appreciate the ones who truly cared enough to check up on me: Kayla, Pam, Lorna, Aunt Pat, Michaela, Brenden, Bubba, Sticki, Mackenzie, Josh, Doug, Uncle Dave who even took the time to call me, and especially Cody. Your checking up on me meant the world to me. It reminded me that people really do still care. As for the other people whom I truly thought I could count on to care about me, like my best friends and family...thank you for proving to me that I dont matter. This is just a small example of what Ive felt my entire life. I warned you Id snap and it wouldnt be pretty. Im tired of feeling like I dont matter to people who matter to me. Pardon me for sounding selfish, but after battling this bullshit mental disorder for years, Id actually like to be HAPPY for once in my life.
Posted on: Sun, 10 Aug 2014 21:52:09 +0000
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