After having been told my danglies looked like an elderly Rastafarian I thought I would give the missus a bit of a treat by removing said hair. from my nether regions. I considered myself a bit above some of the characters writing VEET reviews and wrote them off as soft office types...Oh how wrong I was! After giving vague hints about a special surprise I went to the bathroom after the missus was in bed, applied the gel and waited for something to happen. I didn’t have long to wait ! At first there was a gentle warmth which was soon replaced by an intense burning and a feeling I can only describe as like being given a barbed wire wedgie by two people intent on hitting the ceiling with my head ! Religion hadnt featured much in my life until then but I was soon willing to convert to any religion to stop the violent burning around the turd tunnel and what seemed like the the destruction of the meat and two veg. Struggling not to bite through my bottom lip I tried to wash the gel off in the sink and only succeeded in blocking the plughole with a mat of hair. Through the haze of tears I struggled out of the bathroom across the hall into the kitchen, by this time walking was not really possible and I crawled the final yard to the fridge in the hope of some form of cold relief. I yanked the freezer drawer out and found a tub of ice cream, tore the lid off and positioned it under me. The relief was fantastic but temporary as it melted fairly quickly and the fiery pain returned. Due to the shape of the ice cream tub I hadn’t managed to give the starfish any treatment and I groped around in the draw for something else as I was sure my vision was failing fast. I grabbed a bag of frozen sprouts and tore it open, took a handful and an tried in vain to clench some between the cheeks of my arse. This didnt work, as some of the gel had found its way up the chutney channel and it felt like the space shuttle was running its engines behind me. I was beginning to wish for a gay snowman to appear, which should give you some idea of the depths I was willing to sink to in order to ease the pain. The only idea my pain filled mind could come up with was to gently ease one of the sprouts where no veg had gone before ! Unfortunately, alerted by the strange grunts coming from the kitchen the other half chose that moment to investigate and was greeted by the sight of me, arse in the air, strawberry ice cream dripping from my bell end, pushing a sprout up my arse while muttering “ooooohhh that feels good” Understandably this was a shock to her and she let out a scream and as I hadn’t heard her come in it caused an involuntary spasm of shock in myself which resulted in the sprout being ejected at quite some speed in her direction. I can understand that having a sprout fired against your leg at 11 at night in the kitchen probably wasn’t the special surprise she was expecting and having to explain to the kids the next day the strange hollow in the ice cream, didn’t improve my status… So to sum it up, VEET removes hair, dignity and self-respect!!!
Posted on: Mon, 22 Sep 2014 15:27:47 +0000
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