After reading the article in the Ventura County Star this morning (perhaps my family and our circumstance being the subject, I am unable to be an objective reader but) I am more certain than ever, that everything is in how you look at it. In my opinion, this article focuses on our unfortunate circumstances about having three boys with this primary immune deficiency... rather than the great gift in many ways, having this condition has actually given our family. Yes it is challenging, but it has not overcome us. We have been given the opportunity and the gift to look at things in a different light, different than every other normal family out there who frankly, doesnt have to think about things any much deeper than what they see on the surface. Has anyone seen that movie, The Family Man, with Nicolas Cage? I will admit, at first when I saw it I wasnt much into it. More because I didnt buy the marital relationship aspects of it, than because I couldnt see the greater message of it. As the years have passed though, Ive really enjoyed watching that movie over again, and having it on in the background while doing stuff around the house. I appreciate it more now because I can relate to it. In the beginning of the movie, all he can think about is himself and basically his resentment and annoyance, at having been thrust into this messy, tired life of parenthood and bills and middle class struggle... and how it is such a lesser life - for himself - than the neat, upscale life, complete with hefty bank balance he was thoroughly enjoying and believed was the ultimate in success. Yes, he seemed like a decent guy but didnt have much tolerance for the family life, or anything that wasnt going to make the company a megabuck. Work on Christmas? You people had better be there! His apartment was perfectly appointed, his car expensive, and everything under control. By the end of the movie though, hed had a complete change of heart. It didnt exactly come quickly or easily. Yes, having the comforts of money was still nice... but he had recognized and embraced the value of those family moments that didnt cost a dime, his place in the great picture of those in his life - his kids, his wife, his friends, the dog - and more importantly, their importance to his. In the end he chose to pick his ship up and point it into an entirely different direction because of what hed experienced. He had recognized the value of people. So yes, you could look at our having a family with three children with a primary immune deficiency as an unfortunate circumstance, if you want to. On the surface, Im sure thats how it seems. But we dont look at it that way. Right from the beginning, we looked at dealing with this immune deficiency as an opportunity to see something different about life, in a way we never had to look at it before. We had to. Eating whole foods and nutritious foods, rather than the garbage so many other families are able to feed their kids on a daily basis, for instance. Sure, cookies and candy and chips and fast food are some of the convenient and fun things of childhood - but they could really do harm for our boys if that became a lifestyle. Weve taught our boys, right from the beginning, the importance of healthy living, stress management, good hygiene, etc. where so many other families (and Im not bashing anyone here) send their kids to school sick, without so much as a second thought much about spreading it to others because, hey - if it gets spread around theyre somehow helping kids build up their immunity. yeah, OK. We have been forced to be more considerate of others in that regard. Despite what it might seem... our boys are hardly EVER sick. Thank God. We have always tried to teach our boys to be thankful, even for their shots three times a week - which they HATE, as any kid would. We have never made a big deal out of their immune deficiency with them, its just the way it is - everyone has something theyre dealing with: some people have glasses, some people are deaf, some people are in a wheelchair, some people have some other kind of medical condition or a big birthmark on their face - this is your thing. Lets deal with it, be smart, and move on. If it takes being more careful with certain things, well, its a small price to pay for an otherwise pretty normal life. Right? Right. Your life is much bigger than dealing with this condition. To me, having three boys - or even if we had only had one boy - with this condition, has stepped up all of our games in every way, as people. For that, we have always been thankful. No, we arent perfect, and Yes - Im sure to those that know us, we are known to be a little uptight about things at times but hey - we do have a lot on our plate, especially over these last two or three years. As much as we wish our boys didnt have this condition, it has provided us with so many blessings than we can count, in ways much of society doesnt even recognize - because the real ways blessings are measured in, are the ways of the heart, and the soul, and the Spirit. With what can only be the Refiners Fire, we have been forced to recognize what is really important. Otherwise we may very well have gone ahead living for ourselves rather than this greater purpose. Im sure that Dan at least will admit, that this way is harder and more tiring, and the other way sure was more fun! and he is right... but I think we can be in agreement that it wouldnt have been as meaningful. Its going to be alright. We will eventually get our lives back together and on track. Im so thankful for everything Ive learned on this journey, and yes, even these past two years of heartache, fighting for Gavins life with every moment of mine, because God has a plan, and Gavin was a big part of that. So are we. We can use what weve learned to help our other two boys stay healthy and help even more people who might listen to what we can tell them. That is a huge gift in itself, and to more people than just us. Yes, it came at a terrible price. Change isnt easy, but within it can be found its greater reasons, if you are perceptive enough to see them. It takes courage and strength to change when life forces you to. I hope we are getting it right. At least for me, having these amazing boys AND their being born with this condition has been the best kick in the head I never knew I always needed.
Posted on: Sat, 06 Dec 2014 17:54:40 +0000
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