After the untimely death of Robin Williams and seeing posts about him and depression I thought I would speak up. Maybe by me posting this it might help people to understand more. I have lived with severe depression for the last 14 yrs. Majority of people that know me have no idea and those handful of people that I have told say I would never have guessed you have depression. When people find out you have depression it is sometimes held against you for many different things. I hide my depression very well because I dont want pitty and most of all I dont want to talk about it because I live it everyday. Its like the movie groundhog day, you wake up and relive the depression over and over. So I understand why Robin Williams made his choice. Its not about the people in your life, the love from others, what you have to look forward to. Its about that moment, the moment where you just get tired of feeling this way everyday and nothing you do changes it. People have said to me you have people around you that love you, you are in a rut, pull yourself up, get more involved, its a chemical inbalance etc. Believe me if I knew how to fix it I would do it in a heartbeat. I have done counseling, medications, changed this and changed that and yet the Depression stays. Its very exhausting to put up a front every single day for everyone around you. And then I hit that wall where I cant keep the front up and I withdraw and Im not heard from or seen for days. Its how I cope and try to refuel myself to deal with the day to day of life. Taking care of dogs is therapy for me. If it wasnt for my furry friends I would never leave my home. It makes me leave and make me try to lead a somewhat normal life. I dont know that anyone will understand Depression or why people commit suicide. But sometimes suicide is the only way to end the Depression. The person is not thinking about tomorrow, they think about that moment and that by ending their life they will finally be free of the Depression. I know people say people are cowards that do it and lots of other things. But sometimes its the only way they know to be free of it. If you read this please dont say you are sorry that I deal with this or treat me any differently. I had never planned on telling people esp not on a social media page. But something about Robin Williams death really hit close to home. And maybe this will help people understand a little more that you just never know who has Depression and maybe it will help some understand what its like to live it.
Posted on: Tue, 12 Aug 2014 20:19:21 +0000
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