Already a detached type, when I am hurt it is impossible for me to just snap out of it. I may even unconsciously close down and grow more distant. Once I give somebody my heart, it becomes very difficult for me to take it back. The more i have invested within the relationship, the more my subconscious will suffer. I consider myself neither vain nor conceited and I am a constant seeker of the truth as well as an amazing communicator.I am the kind of girl thats always smiling and loves to laugh. The type of girl that constantly apologizes, even if I do maintain faultlessness. I consistently strive to stay unbiased and open minded in all of my outer connections regardless of the relationships closeness. I consider helping others my purpose in life rather than a forced burden or given task. Even when i dont intend to, I seem to have the power to draw people near and make them feel close to me, always attempting to listen to and understand them regardless of the situation. Unfortunately, I am often blinded by the the hidden intentions that many people carry. I feel that I am naturally fun loving and gifted with a dash of talent and genius. I have an intense driving compulsion to be needed. I may not be extremely mushy but I can guarantee you I am loyal. I absolutely hate head games and fake people and would much rather you just be straight up with me. I prefer having close relationships with others who think the same as me but will give anyone a chance. Chances are I will not ask for what I want, out of an intense internal fear of being turned down. I absolutely hate rejection and can be extremely jealous, stubborn, impatient, sarcastic, rebellious and often over emotional. My goal in life is not to live a normal or average lifestyle. I just want to progress and gain in strength, I want to possess the courage to fly high in life while fully enjoying and experiencing it to the fullest. I desperately need to work through deep internal issues of trust, patience and emotional expression. I am also working on finding and keeping my faith in the cleansing spiritual process running through my injured soul. I am slowly yet assuredly beginning to realize that, with a mixture of sympathy, understanding and compassion I am able to find myself reflected within the appearance of others. I am striving to terminate my sometimes judgemental and discriminating mindset so that I never again question or compare a persons equality. I am beginning to realize that no matter what i feel or how much that i know, it will only be action, determination, courage and persistence that will expose and introduce my hidden and complex talent, potential, creativity, capability and intelligence. I unconsciously hide within my own private and restricted interiors. Throughout my unstable and chaotic existence i have had many unimaginably amazing visions dreams and goals. Ive thought many times on how constructive and profitable my life could be. I am now working on being able to transform my words, thoughts, ideas and beliefs into action, advancement and fortune and its proving to be much more challenging and complicated than I initially envision. I know that discovering and recognizing trust is undoubtedly crucial and significant within any substantial, meaningful and effective relationship or companionship. But I also know I must first overcome my own insecurities and overpower my relentless self doubt. I am trying my hardest to prevail and demolish excuses, justifications, routine and regret. A question I ask myself is whether we form our beliefs on experiences or let our experiences from our beliefs??
Posted on: Sat, 15 Mar 2014 11:06:19 +0000
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