Alrighty, where do I even begin. 😣 Last night I posted a very depressing and sad post. I would like to start off by apologizing to EVERYONE for that. That post was not only obnoxious, random, depressing, and very very negative, but there was no point for me posting it. This is the thing that frustrates me the most. I know some of you may now think Im selfish or ungrateful but I promise you that is not the truth. I lay in my bed while listening to music when I cannot sleep. I look up at the ceiling just thinking about every man, woman and child who dont have the things I have; a bed, food, a roof over my head, tv and more. all these great gifts that God has blessed me & my family with. When I think about these things I actually start to cry. I hardly ever feel emotion anymore because of my medication so these moments for me are important because it is the only time I release anything. When I hold stuff in and something bad happens in the family I sort of black out. I become angry, sad and frustrated. I say things that I would NEVER say normally. I dont like hurting peoples feelings and most definitely cant stand when someone is not thankful for what they have. With my sadness I sometimes do feel like I need cute girly things or videos games to make me happy but then I realize that materialistic items will NEVER bring me happiness. Moments when I am truly happy are when Im at peace with me and my family and helping people. Everything just seems to work. I always say one of Gods greatest gifts is the ability to give back and help one another. I feel no greater happiness when I can put a smile on someone elses face or help a poor girl or boy out of a terrible bully situation. Helping people is something Ive always loved to do; it is definitely a huge passion. Many of you may not know this but I LOVE music. Music has saved my life so many times its insane. I have noticed over the years that when I can release pain and feel again it is when Im listening to music. For the longest time Ive always wanted to make it big and maybe even rap. 😋😉 Through music I would help people and bring happiness because that is how I found my happiness when I was lost and emotionless. I know some people may think this is silly because Im such a damaged girl and I can be so quiet at time; but deep down inside I feel a huge need to dance my problems away and have a knowledgable, wise flow thats unstoppable. 😄😎 I know one day I will get there, I have no doubt in my mind, but while working towards my big dream I will take small baby steps and help people along my journey. I cant wait for the day when I am no longer suffering and feel nothing but happiness in my life. I want my WHOLE entire family to be at peace and to live the rest of their lives with love and joy. I will continue to work on myself and to Help Change the World One Good Deed at a Time. ☺️💗💜💗 -Marley
Posted on: Sun, 09 Mar 2014 08:56:47 +0000
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