An open letter to all Laker fans: Dear Laker fans, Hi, my name is Biggs. I’ve been a Portland Trail Blazer fan my entire life. Because they only won a championship in 1977, I’ve never experienced confetti dropping all over my team in my lifetime. This is something you’ve seen many times. It must have been glorious. Time after time after time your teams came through in the clutch and got the job done. Hell, how many times did they blow it in the Finals, only to come back and win it all the next year? Well, it’s time to start living in the past, because that’s all you’ve got now. Welcome to a new era of Laker basketball! This is an era where Pau Gasol, whose thirty-three years young, is your best player. You, know the guy who you’ve tried to trade a lot. You talked shit about him all the time. Your team put him out of the center position where he was dominant and put him into the power forward position where he was, meh. That’s your team leader now. I guess if you were short sighted you could say that Steve Nash was your leader. But he dropped off a cliff last year. And let’s be honest: when Kobe Bryant comes back, you don’t think he’ll actually let Nash be a point guard, do you? Remember last season? The inbounds pass went to Bryant while Nash ran around open at the three point line unguarded. Kobe would look towards him then launch a three a foot past the three point line while triple teamed. Of course, how could I have forgotten about Kobe Bryant? You have an All-Star on your team who not only ruptured his Achilles, but also remembers when pantaloons were all the rage. I’m sorry, but all the deer antlers in Colorado won’t make him young again. The reality here is that your good days are behind you, and they’re probably not coming back. You see, the media wants to tell you that LA is always a destination and you won’t be bad for long. Tell that to the Clipper fans. They’re good now, but they were bad for decades. And they were not a destination spot for free agents. You were. But now you’ve taken on the mantel of the little brother in the Staples Center. You’ll still have Jack Nicholson at games, but its Jack way past his prime. Just like your team. Maybe you think your team will make an amazing trade to put you back on top. Here’s where it gets really rough. Take a breath. Jerry Buss is dead, and his idiot son’s running the show. Remember that? This is the guy who had Phil Jackson hanging out at Christmas dinner waiting to be asked to coach again. Instead he grabbed Mike D’Antoni who decided it was better to have a fast paced running offense with starters who were more old and grizzled then Nick Nolte. This is an owner who decided not to do a sign and trade with Dwight Howard to Houston (where they need to dump salary and a very good defensive center to add him to the roster). Instead he stubbornly drew a line in the sand and came up with…nothing. This is an owner who’s currently contemplating amnestying Meta World Peace’s 7.7 million dollar contract this season when it expires this season. As a fan, you’ll find you’re basketball routine will change. You’ll start picking spots on the schedule to watch (Sacramento next Wednesday, they might win that one). You’re clean shaven face will be covered with stubble by the end of the first week, turning into a James Harden beard by the end of the season. You’ll be drunk before the end of every game. You’ll start buying DVD’s of the greatest Laker seasons, and watch those instead of new games. Why am I telling you this? The Blazers have had peaks and valleys. But throughout it all, we’ve always hated you. And you had no idea. I hope it’s evident now that we’re rubbing salt in your wounds. Love, Biggs
Posted on: Sat, 06 Jul 2013 17:41:21 +0000
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