And I thought I embarassed myself! The most awkward birth story...posted on MumsNet (min-min is British slang for the obvious): *** After my daughter was born, I needed stitches. They removed the top half of the bed, and put me at the bottom half, with my feet in stirrups. It was a very small delivery room. So, I am there, feet in stirrups, occupying the bottom half of the bed. The doctor was perched on a wheely stool thing, in this tiny delivery room, waiting to attend to my torn min-min, for his ministrations...Aaanyway, because of syntocinon drip, I was still honking like a good un, so some bright spark, propped me up on pillows , and raised the bottom part of the bed, so I didnt choke. Unfortunately, because I am incredibly supple (tae kwon do) and had an epidural, which meant I had no feeling or control, I SLID down the delivery table, past the end, past the stirrups - my feet stayed where they were in the stiruups, but the rest of me carried on... and into the face of the waiting doctor. Because it was a small delivery room, he was PINNED to the wall, by my savaged min-min - honest to god, it was in his face. he shouted HELP in quite a distressed tone of voice, but the midwives and my husband were busy with the baby. After 38 hours of labour, and a severe sense of humour failure throughout - it suddenly returned. The Doctor looked SO panicked - like I was wielding a sub machine gun, not a savaged min-min. I remarked to him I bet you didnt think youd spend your saturday night like THIS did you!! Then I LITERALLY pissed myself laughing - in his face. My husband turned to me, with some irritation, and said for gods sake sober up - youre a mother now! - which made me laugh even more!! and the midwives ran to oik me up the bed - but the doctor looked distinctly nervous - he did a FABULOUS job of my stitches - afterwards, I hardly knew they were there - mind you - by this point, he was prolly so freaked out by my min-min, that he thought if he didnt do a good job, it would find out where he lived, and would come and burn his house down....
Posted on: Wed, 23 Oct 2013 14:49:12 +0000
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