Anon has asked: Am having a number of issues with my inlaws and their involvement with my 3yo son. They look after him once a week and they love him very much. The problem is that they want more. They expect more. My son is not comfortable with this and it is also a huge ask for me when I have already extended so much trust in them for the one day per week. They also have him visit their home with my wife every 3rd weekend so I can stay at home and clean up the house properly. I am worried about their influence as they are the antithesis of the kind of values and virtues I respect and want to raise my son with. They do not respect my wishes for the kinds of practices that I expect when I am not with him. Or they do so on a token basis. After my son spends a day with them my son ends up more blunt and snappy. More aggressive. They feed him donuts and icecream and when I bring them to task about it they say it was only a little bit. They also lie on a regular basis. For example they told my son to say I love you to them and when I asked them not to tell him what to say they just flat out denied it. They do not listen and are very unapproachable. I feel like it is increasingly 3 versus 1 in this situation (my wife and her 2 parents versus me). My own parents have no involvement. My wife will not question them as they are her parents and so they can do no wrong. Every time I bring up any concerns they have she tells me we could do much worse. Or she yells at me and tells me to get over it. This is obviously causing tension in the relationship and making it hard to assert ourselves as our own family. The other day we had our own special day just the three of us and the inlaws couldnt help themselves. They had to call and email and ask Is he asking about me? I am the primary carer for my son and have been since he was 8 months old. I make choices based on immediate and long term views that nurture his whole person and I feel undermined by the dismissive nature of my inlaws and my wife automatically shutting down any dialogue about the subject. I feel so disempowered and misunderstood in this situation.
Posted on: Mon, 07 Jul 2014 05:14:40 +0000
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