Anonymous man writes again, Let me remind everyone that I am the man who wanted to divorce my wife because I feel less of a man when I’m with her. First of all, I asked for advices on how to properly divorce my wife the Hmong way and what I got is a bunch of bashings about how dumb I am. Luckily, a very few of you offered advices to me, and for that, I would like to thank those who did. We celebrated our sixth anniversary on Saturday, August 24, 2013, and it has been six years now since we wedded. On Sunday, I got up and made us some fried eggs and rice. After cooking breakfast, I woke up my wife and we had breakfast together. After breakfast, I helped her clean up, and we moved to the living room. I sat down with her and told her that I wanted a divorce. She thought I was joking but I was not. After repeating myself for the fourth time, she finally understood that I was for real. She asked me why I wanted to divorce her and I explained everything to her: she makes more than me, she plans our vacations, she leads the way for us, and she is just more outgoing than I am. It makes me less of a man, and I felt that someday she would leave me for another man. I told her that it’s better if we went our separate way. For the first time in a long time, my wife was very depressed. She turned away from me and started whimpering. I moved closer to her and put my hands on her shoulders and told her that I’m very sorry for not realizing sooner. What happened next was unexpected. She slapped me on my left face! I turned back to look at her and I could see the pain and sadness in her eyes but I looked away quickly because I’m so sorry I didn’t realize earlier. Immediately, she hugged me and we stayed like that for a minute. I told her to let go but she didn’t. Then she bit me tightly on the chest just below my right collar bone. It was painful! I had to force her off of myself. Even now, her mark is still visible on my bruised chest. After prying her off of me, I got up and away from her. She was still drowning in grief on the couch, and I left her there as I walked out grabbing the keys. I drove to the store to get away from her. While browsing through the store, I got a call from my father. He told me that he needed me so I got out and rushed over to him. What surprised me when I got to my parent’s home is that my wife’s car is also there as well. I rung the door bell and my father welcomed me in. Immediately, I saw my wife hugging my mom tightly and crying to her, “niam, thov txhob cia Xue nrauj kuv.” While my mom was comforting my wife, my dad and I had a serious talk. He asked me why I would want to divorce her, and I told him the same reasons I told my wife. What I got from my dad is what I got from most of the people’s comment on Facebook: Ua cas koj ruam ua luaj. I was angry at my dad for calling me dumb and we had a few more arguments while my mother was looking at us while holding onto my wife. Finally, I told my father that I was really going to divorce her, and if he needed money or anything to get it done, I’ll provide it. My father said he’s not even going to do it and I told him he doesn’t know what it’s like for me with that traditional thinking of his. He called me a bunch of names and I could only take so much before I lose it. I was furious and I said this to him out of anger, “dev laus zoo li koj tsis paub dab tsi!”Immediately, my father slapped me on my left face! As I was holding onto my left face, he shoved me onto the ground. My wife ran up to my father and held him back, begging for him to stop. He pointed his finger at me and said, “kas tom, kuv yug koj loj hlob thiab ua zoo rau koj ua luaj ua cas koj yuav muaj pheem ua luaj!?” I got tears in my eyes and then I got up and left feeling angry and sad at my dad. He would rather side with my wife than me, his own son. I have not heard a word yet from my mom. After getting out of my parents’ home, I drove back to the house I shared with my wife. I ate quickly and took a quick shower. Then I went to sleep on the bed that I slept together with my wife for last three years ever since we bought the house back in 2010. I got up today at 5:40 AM, August 26, 2013, and felt that my shirt was wet. My wife’s head was on top of the bruised spot that she bit on earlier while her arms were around my body. I figured that she cried herself to sleep on top of me. What made it more shocking is that I slept through it all without even realizing it! I got out of her and took a shower and went to work. Now I got three problems: my wife won’t leave me and I don’t know how to deal with her yet, my dad has problems with me now, and my mom have not said anything yet. My wife should have never gone to my parents! What was supposed to be between us is now between me and the rest: my parents and my wife. We could have done this by ourselves but she just had to get my parents too. I’m so angry and depressed right now!How do I deal with all of this and make amends with my parents while getting my wife to leave? Once I have her leave the proper Hmong way, I’ll file for divorce the American way and we’ll be divorced legally in both cultures.
Posted on: Thu, 29 Aug 2013 00:46:07 +0000
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