Another GP (family doctor) experiences her own GentleBirth. My beautiful baby daughter was born last Friday at 1.20am after a relatively short, albeit intense labour. Looking back now I feel slightly overwhelmed every time I think of it, certainly a life changing experience. Being honest however I dont think Id use the word “gentle” to describe it! I decided to try the gentle birth programme in the hope of experiencing a more natural labour, compared to my first experience. Also I work as a GP (family doctor) and my experiences throughout my training and career have led to my firm belief that the mind is very powerful and can alter our somatic experiences. I am sometimes amazed at the absolute resilience some people can show in the face of sometimes very severe, chronic and painful debilitating conditions. I really very much believed from the beginning that the programme would be useful for me. Certainly one of the aspects that I admired most was encouraging the acceptance of “whatever path our birthing takes”. This was not about fool heartedly clinging onto the ideal of a perfect natural birth, but encouraging myself to take control of my thoughts, and behaviour throughout pregnancy and labour and learning to calmly accept and really experience all the wonderful changes taking place in my body. My first baby was born in May 2013. My labour was augmented with Syntocinon despite lasting less than 6 hours in total as I was told I was initially slow to progress. I had an epidural which did not work on one side of my abdomen, but was very dense down the other side to the extent that I had absolutely no movement, or any awareness of my left leg belonging to me. It felt like a cold dead weight in the bed. According to my husband I spent several hours crying and very distressed with the pain from the contractions on my right side. I was completely immobile in the bed. I think the midwives allowed the head to descend passively, because I had a very short second stage and a baby with a very moulded head! I had no perineal tears. So all in all I remember my first labour as difficult but “not too bad”. I suppose comparing it to Rachels birth I was very passive to the experience, depending on the midwives and my husband to move me, to encourage me, to reassure me and to guide my pushing. I found my pregnancy with Rachel more demanding on my body than with Michael, however working fulltime and having a 15 month old to look after probably explains that! I had pelvic girdle pain from about 18 weeks and found the CDs invaluable at night time in helping me drift off to sleep. I listened to the driving CD nearly every day on my long commute to work (1 hour), and within a few weeks of doing this I really felt the changes were showing in me throughout the day. The positive affirmations would pop into my head all day long. This was the most important aspect in my handling the pelvic girdle pain, no paracetemol, giant pillows, baths or physiotherapy even came close. I am by nature an uptight and busy type person, always thinking, planning and moving from one project to the next. I never thought I could allow myself to get so incredibly deeply relaxed at the drop of a hat. I definitely attribute that to the programme and cannot thank Tracy enough for it. My labour started quite insidiously now that I think of it. I had a few stop and starts in the days preceding, which I found frustrating. I now think I should have used this time to wind down, and store some energy, eat and sleep. Ill know for next time! On Thursday morning I woke from sleep at 4am with period type cramps and diarrhoea. Throughout the morning I was getting occasional surges, they were definitely powerful but not painful. By 10am they were coming regularly so I called my husband home from work. We had a lovely morning together chatting and playing online bridge! However at about 1pm I noticed that everything had stopped and I hadnt had any surges for 40 minutes. I was fuming! My husband decided to stay home from work as we had a few jobs to do around the house. I picked my son up from crèche and went for a walk with him to the playground. ( I now think I should have gone back to bed! Again will know for next time!) On the way home the surges were coming back again but very erratic. I cooked the dinner, but felt unable to eat it myself so had some toast. By 7pm the surges were definitely in a regular pattern but were very manageable so I kept on doing what I would usually be doing. The stop and starts from the previous days had left me doubting whether this was really it or not! Over the next few hours though things really ramped up. I was just rolling on my ball in the living room in my own little world. I asked my husband to time them and they were lasting for over a minute and coming every 3 minutes- it had not felt like that to me! We decided to head into the Rotunda at 9.30pm and arrived by 10pm. The car journey was so manageable. My over ridding feeling was one of incredible excitement. In between surges I just lay right back in the seat and felt my entire body go incredibly limp and relaxed. I really felt the surges ebbing and flowing through me. As they dissipated I felt this wonderful euphoric feeling. Unlike my first labour when I would think “my God when is this coming back,” I was looking forward to the tail end of the next surge, “bringing my baby closer”. When we arrived the lady at reception wanted to know was I in “bad” labour to which I responded “no”, but not really knowing what to make of her question! I think I was in the waiting room for an hour. At this stage I had little awareness of what was going on around me. I was assessed by a lovely midwife called Kate. She told me I was a good 3cm and was contracting very well. On the way up to the labour ward she asked me if I was hypnobirthing, which surprised me! She said I seemed very calm and in control. In total I was on the labour ward for about two and half hours. I spent most of the time on my ball leaning over the bed. I was very vocal! Making all sorts of noises I didnt know I could! The midwife looking after me was called Paula. She was amazing. Definitely a “calm supportive presence” but very much in the background. Every so often she would come out with some gentle reassurance, which always seemed to be just when I was in need of it. Time did pass “quickly and pleasantly”. After a while I wanted to climb onto the bed and I leant over the back. At this stage I was bearing down involuntarily and so Paula examined me. She said I was 4cm but could feel a big sac of water and my cervix was very thin. She said they would probably break soon and my baby would be born soon after. She offered to break them for me and I agreed. And then things really took off! This last 20 minutes was tough. I am not going to sugar coat it! The feeling that came with each surge was extremely intense. I wanted the back of the bed lowered and remained on all fours. I continued to use the gas and air although found it was affecting my concentration a bit as there was really no gaps between the surges. Just as she was about to crown I remember clearly strongly wishing that this would end now! But I knew it was about to end, I knew there was no point losing control at that point, I knew I had to just focus and get through it. I think I did yell a few expletives at that point and roared at my husband not to touch me! Paula was very encouraging, but there was no coached pushing. Just at the very end, telling me to pant, and then a little push and to pant again. I found her so reassuring, she told me that it was great and the head was coming lovely and slowly. Crowning was not the intense stinging and stretching I thought it would be and strangely enough I felt everything. I felt every part of her head descend, I knew when it was at the maximum point, I swear I could even feel her nose at the back. And then it was over. Job done! Beautiful perfect strong and healthy baby girl! Paula asked if she could cut the cord and administer Syntometrine and I agreed. And then little Rachel was placed on my chest where she latched on immediately and fed for 30 minutes! I wasnt sure whether to add the next part of the story but have decided now that I should, that I want to remember all of it as it was and perhaps there is someone out there who has had a similar experience to me. I am really uncertain of any times from here on in until the following morning. I started to feel quite unwell and frightened. I felt the after pains so intensely, in fact it felt worse than labour. I remember my body feeling completely limp, almost spent. I felt very dizzy and just not quite right. Paula and the midwife in charge reassured me there was minimal bleeding, my blood pressure was fine, everything was perfect. I remember almost feeling as though I wasnt quite in my body, but watching everything from the outside. Everyone was encouraging me to eat but I felt I couldnt even chew the toast, I couldnt talk, stand or walk. I think this lasted for about 2 hours and in that time I didnt hold or think about Rachel and this makes me feel a bit sad when I think of it now. Eventually back on the post natal ward a really lovely older motherly midwife took one look at me and said “this is exhaustion, go to sleep.” At the time I still felt apprehensive that something wasnt right but I eventually gave in and slept, I think it was for less than 1 hour. When I awoke I was overcome with elation, relief and joy at the sight of Rachel. I cried and cried and had her on my chest until the sun came up the following morning. Looking back now Im not sure what happened during that time. I dont know had I overdone it on the gas and air, was I in a bit of shock from the speed and intensity of the last 20 minutes or had I done too much that day, slept too little and eaten too little. Probably it was a combination of all these things. Anyway I think Ive learnt from it, and Ive accepted that it is a part of Rachels birth story and I need to tell it. Today is Rachels fifth day in this world and from that delayed moment on the post natal ward until now I have enjoyed every second. I am coping so much better this time around. Feeding is going well, when my milk flooded in on day 3 I was delighted about the abundance, whereas the last time I was shocked at the pain of it! I am resting when I can; “all rest is restorative and a good use of time”. Yesterday as I sat in my living room, with the sun shining in the window and Michael playing with his dad on the floor and Rachel busy suckling away at my breast, I just thought to myself what a wonderful world it is and how lucky I am to have all that I have and such a beautiful family. I think I will leave myself a little break in between this time, but hopefully there will be a next time for us!
Posted on: Wed, 24 Sep 2014 19:33:16 +0000
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