Another day has come and gone. Today, we rode to Natchez to see my nephew Grayson for his birthday. Payton really wanted to go, so...off we went. She did so good today. She walked all the way in to the bowling alley and all the way out without the wheelchair. Days are starting to get harder and harder for me watching her without her vision. It is beginning to look like it may never come back. I try to talk with her openly about her blindness; she seems to think that the only thing that will help it is the old drug she was taking before this new stuff. Im partially in agreement with her. Although that other chemo beat her down like a dog, it also beat the tumor down. I know most of you folks tell us that you just cant imagine. Well let me help you. When you wake up in the morning and read this on Facecrack, close your eyes. Whether you are still in bed or you walk to the living room -- close your eyes tight. Now take your arm and hand that is your dominant hand and hold it to your chest like a T-Rex because you have lost 90% usage of it. Finally, stand up. Not like you normally would though -- stand up using only your non-dominant leg(If youre right-handed, stand up using only your left leg.) Now here comes the fun part -- do ANYTHING! Go to the bathroom, kitchen, or outside. Everything sucks. I know, I know -- you cant imagine. Well Payton imagines every day. Im so tired of sitting around feeling sorry for myself and my daughter. It is like our lives have stopped and our deaths have started. Unfortunately, the beginning of our end started this past March. It has been almost a year... The few people on this site that really know me knows that these words sound nothing like me. I have always tried to live my life with a positive attitude and outlook on life. Ive always felt like having a sense of humor was important. I guess that was passed on to Payton because she is still just as funny as she ever was. Of course, when you are going through something like this, laughing is about the only thing that keeps you from crying sometimes. Anyway, my nephew Grayson was having a sleepover after his party yesterday. Several of his little friends get to put my sister to the test tonight. Patience Kacie, patience. When we got home yesterday evening, Payton said, I could never have a sleepover like that. I asked her why not and she said, I dont have enough friends. Im pretty sure that couldnt be farther from the truth. I know I have rambled on long enough. I just want to say one thing to Paytons friends parents if they actually read this far. Your kids phone calls and visits are one of the few things that make our Paytons life feel somewhat normal. I know everyone runs wide open just trying to keep up with the rat race we call our lives. You may wonder, what do I tell them? You can tell them that their friend Payton is still the same Payton. She just walks a little slower and cant see anymore. She still likes to talk about boys and whatever else younguns that age like to talk about. I dont want to say she feels alone because between her mom and me, she is NEVER alone. However, she does get sick of us sometimes. We all pray around here pretty regularly. I ask God all the time to please give my baby her sight back and help her get better. Keep my faith youll tell me and let go and let God. Ive heard them all folks. I know. I know. Those things are a great deal easier to say than do. When you think about judging me and my faith, turn this around and imagine that this is you and your kid. I suppose I have filled my quota of depressing thoughts. Sorry folks. Im just having one of those nights. Anyway, were pulling for Peyton and the Broncos tonight so, until next time...
Posted on: Sun, 02 Feb 2014 10:05:53 +0000
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