Another one of my “oh shit this guy doesn’t understand the brevity concept of social media” posts. If I was an undersea vessel I’d say that of late I am sailing through alternating seas; one of beauty and the other a Sea of Nightmares. Sleep isn’t much of a friend these days, almost every morning awakens me from a dream of loss or sadness or simple ghoulish imagery, and it is taking a bit of a toll. I can honestly understand if every single person who is reading this rolls their eyes and wonders if I honestly think I’m the only human being that has ever felt grief. I understand because my eyes are rolling too, this is too much and the submarine’s engines are underperforming, to anyone clicking away right now just know I agree with you…Even I am tired of me. The Unpleasant Truth is that this might be me Getting Over It this might be The Best I Can Do and right now the returns are underwhelming and lame-- if I was a play I’d advise you all to leave during its intermission or better yet see another show in the first place. I don’t know how Connie does it, although I do know she’ll yell at me for saying that, thank God. By the time I wake up each day it seems I’ve been walking around and doing things for hours and the madness of it is that I’m having some moments of great joy. Watching Connie cracking rocks to open up the fossils inside yesterday and seeing her looking at the moon in a stranger’s telescope last night; the ballgames; Letchworth; my Wednesday night comedy writing roundtable; see? See Goddamnit? I am indeed living so why do I feel like the walking dead whose page I STILL refuse to like even though Facebook wants me to. There’s an unwalking dead man awaiting a stone in Forest Lawn, I drive by and try to joke “Hi Tom!” I say in passing but I don’t laugh and if even I don’t think I’m funny then I’m not sure I know who is inside this skin anymore. Soon we are off to the Dog Park then down to the harbor where some kind of ship seems to be honking this is summer and I’m getting through it, this is living and all that needs to be done is stay alive until I die the rules are simple but what I would give to awake from a happy dream sometime this coming week. Love.
Posted on: Sun, 11 Aug 2013 16:58:34 +0000