Are there situations in your life that could be a lot healthier, easier, happier, less stressful if you could say no? Some no’s need to be expressed with care, reassurance of connection and sensitivity to the feelings of the other person (as in parenting). And other no’s just need to be expressed with as little ambiguity as possible and sometimes with necessary force, as in situations of immediate danger. Do you find it easy or difficult to; (a) identify your need to assert a boundary? (“I need to say no here”) (b) respect your own boundaries? (“It’s ok that I want to say no”) (c) assert your boundaries? (“thanks, but no thanks”)? (d) be assertive without being aggressive or feeling guilty? If asserting boundaries is mostly difficult and stressful for you … then you may tend to either submit and allow yourself to be overpowered by others, including your children, or fight back more aggressively than necessary resulting in a break down of the connection with the other person, including your children. Or you may see-saw from one reaction to the other. You may waste a lot of time and energy avoiding situations with your child or others that may lead to you needing to say no, set a limit “it’s time to leave now” or assert a personal boundary “it hurts me when you drive your trike into me”. When you were a child, you needed support, empathy, reassurance and to feel heard when conflicts arose in your family Were these needs met? Did you feel that you had a voice? Were conflicts generally worked through to the end where a satisfactory solution of some kind was arrived at? Were you given the message that you had the right to say “no”, negotiate or resist?
Posted on: Thu, 31 Oct 2013 08:28:02 +0000
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