Are you sad? Almost 240 years ago Thomas Jefferson famously wrote of “the pursuit of happiness” as one of human being’s most fundamental rights. This very complex right is said to have been given to humans by no other than the Creator himself. Centuries later, this inherent right is still thought to be one of the most important of them all. But are people nowadays struggling with their so-called happiness? A recent poll of over 2000 voters stated that only about one-third of Americans are happy (Harris). Many would see this statistic as alarming, but is happiness really as important as it has always been racked up to be? Sadness is a frequent part of every human’s life but it has begun to be looked down upon as if it has some sort of negative connotation. The increasing popularity of the “how to be happy” campaigns around the world add to this ideal that sadness is something that people should try to rid from their lives. Some studies show that this may actually cause people to be less happy than they were before (Gruber). Every single day, men and woman suffer hardships that they learn valuable lessons from that make them better people. After all, there is no success without failure. The meaning of the word sadness can be derived from the meaning of the word happiness. The Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy defines the word happiness: “…a kind of value, namely what philosophers nowadays tend to call prudential value—or, more commonly, well-being, welfare, utility or flourishing… happiness in this sense concerns what benefits a person, is good for her, makes her better off, serves her interests, or is desirable for her for her sake. To be high in well-being is to be faring well, doing well, fortunate, or in an enviable condition.” So sadness, being the polar opposite from happiness, must mean ill-being, hardship, and suffering. There is a big problem with the constant pursuit of happiness in one’s life. Douglas Kenrick, professor of psychology at Arizona State University, writes about the negative side effects to seeking happiness, “…being happy can lead you to ignore potentially dangerous consequences of your choices, to be more gullible, and to think in more simplistic and stereotyped terms. And an active desire to make yourself happy can lead you to be disappointed with your real life.” June Gruber, professor of social psychology at Yale, also tested this idea. Her research found that people who highly value happiness suffer from more depression than people who do not. She concludes that having high expectation of well-being can cause people to be disappointed with the real world experience (Gruber). Having high expectations are not necessarily a bad thing. In fact, the common westerner way of thinking is that people should try their best, and if they fail, get up and keep going until they succeed. These ideas have allowed western civilizations to dominate in industry, technology, and global power for centuries. These are all great things, but they all come with enormous costs. “Setting high expectations may be a good strategy, if you can also allow the experience to be different to what you imagine. Often, setting high expectations comes at a high cost, the painful thud as you fall back to reality… It is having flexibility in our expectations and being willing to change track without self-blame that has been shown to increase wellbeing” (Grogan). Failure is something that leads many people to sadness. The pressure and anxiety that high expectations bring on are sometimes too much for the average individual. The sense of not being good enough seems to dominate why some people cannot accept failure. People must welcome failure as an important lesson to be learned if they want to hold high expectations. Just as seeking happiness can lead to sadness, embracing sadness may actually lead to a happy and content life. It does not matter what nationality, economic class, ethnicity, or gender somebody is, he or she is going to experience hard times. As eighteenth century German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche once put it, “…to live is to suffer, to survive is to find some meaning in the suffering.” By understanding that suffering is going to happen in life, and that it is inevitable, people can begin accepting reality. People can find meaning behind their adversaries and ultimately become more true to themselves. This is what makes happiness that is attained from suffering mature. Mature happiness shields itself from life changes and fluctuating mental state. Its ability to adjust is based on the person’s ability to endure suffering. This mature form of happiness is powerful and everlasting (Wong). There are many fallacies on how to achieve happiness. A current WebMD article states that the way to be happy is to, consciously choose attitudes and behaviors that lead to happiness (Valeo). This idea is almost impossible to achieve by any rational human being. One cannot just choose happy feelings over sad feelings. Say, for example, a lady is recently widowed by her husband’s death. Is she just supposed to laugh it off and forget about it? This is exactly what leads people to deceiving themselves about reality. When Freddy insults Sally, Sally may say something all forgiving. But in that very moment, Sally will most likely want to slap Freddy right across the face. Sally would clearly be deceiving herself about how she truly feels if she did not. Now, this is just an example and slapping people across the face would most likely result in jail time. Being outwardly honest with one’s self about feelings and embracing pain will result in a more content individual. Unlike what the WebMD article says, Sally is faced with the inevitability of hardship and cannot simply choose happy over sad feelings. Sally could certainly sit Freddy down for a chat to resolve any conflicts they may be having. This may be extremely hard to do in the beginning for Sally, but the end result would be peace between both parties. Ever since the beginning of time, people have expressed how highly they value happiness. The problem is that people should not purposefully seek happiness or sadness in the first place. They should accept that life inevitably contains both. Some things are just out of humans’ control. Happiness and sadness are naturally occurring states of emotion that should be left alone to happen as they wish. Having high expectations of life just sets someone up for dejection. Greeting happiness and sadness together with open arms will lead one to peace. Happiness is not a bad thing to value. It is just something that people should not set as their main goal in life. By embracing the realities of existence, people will begin to notice that they are much more satisfied with themselves, and with their surroundings. References Grogan, Mary. “Managing Expectations.” Mind Food. N.p., 5 October 2010. Web. 29 Sept. 2014. Gruber, June. “A Dark Side of Happiness? How, When, and Why Happiness Is Not Always Good.” Sage Journals. Volume 6. N.p., May 2011. Web. 29 Sept. 2014. Harris Interactive. “Are You Happy?” Harris Interactive: A Neilson Company. N.p., 30 May 2013. Web. 29 Sept. 2014. Haybron, Dan. “Happiness.” Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy. Fall 2011 edition. N.p., 2011. Web. 29 Sept. 2014. Kenrick, Douglas. “If You Pursue Happiness, You May Find Loneliness.” Psychology Today. N.p., 29 November 2012. Web. 29 Sept. 2014. Valeo, Tom. “Choosing To Be Happy.” WebMD. N.p., n.d. Web. 29 Sept. 2014. Wong, Paul. “Finding happiness through suffering.” Personal Meaning. International Network on Personal Meaning, August 2003. Web. 29 Sept. 2014.
Posted on: Fri, 03 Oct 2014 06:23:04 +0000
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