As I lie here in my bed, I contemplate about where would I be in 5 years time? It really is troublesome. When reading peoples faces after I speak, I see Wala to. Mahina., Sayang ang itsura, wala namang social skills, Hambog, mentally retarded ba to, etc. Thats why I prefer being silent in a group. Maybe Ill be more successful that way. People will look at me as mysterious, just so I can hide my flaws, and instead of laughing around, Ill be serious all the time, and instead of laughing Ill just show a smile. I wont feel anything. Thats one way. I did that before. No one else can understand me better, and no one should act for me, so I better be a slave for my fears of inconsistencies and weaknesses. This is the way to never feel the failures of my past. Choosing the other ways would lead to pain and could destroy me in all low level aspects that I have. Sacrifices should be made. Saddening as it is, Ill get by.
Posted on: Mon, 28 Apr 2014 21:34:15 +0000