As I sit here reflecting on 2014, I realize something, it has been good to me. It wasnt without stress or headache, but in the grand scheme of things, it was a good year. My story, I imagine, is kind of boring, but its mine, and will give you a look into what has spurred me into finally getting my ass into gear. If I can figure out how, I will be attaching a YouTube video that I created in memory of my dog Ryker. You are probably wondering why Id share my dogs memorial video with you. People find strength in so many ways. Let it be their family, kids, near death experience, etc., when they need the extra push in the right directions, they can look at just about anything, and find it. Mine was a heartless sentence and the death of one hell of an awesome dog. Ive always been an outcast. The weird kid who never had anyone to play with at recess. The one who spent hours alone. Tried sports, art, just being me, being someone else, etc. I wasnt one of the cool kids. I could be standing right in front of someone and could be forgotten (hell this still happens to me honestly). I was never noticed, no one ever went out of their way to come looking for me, or to talk about me. So I went through the dark years in school. Dressed in all black. Listened to the dark music. Tried cutting myself and discovered that I am a wimp and dont like pain. What all this neglect pushed me to, was settling for substandard relationships with men. I was with a very mentally abusive boyfriend all through high school. Once out of high school the bad relationships continued. All the while I was gaining weight, developing a mild drinking problem, neglecting my son, and my responsibilities. Fast forward to 2011, I once again allowed my drinking, and bad decisions bring yet another man of poor character into my life. For the next two years, I allowed this man to convince me even more so; that I was an awful person, bad mother, that my place of employment hated me, that I was fat, ugly, and just plain shouldnt have ever been born. He may not have ever physically touched me, but he liked to beat me regularly mentally. Besides my son and parents, the only things that kept me from falling apart the rest of the way, were my dogs. Fast forward again. On May 23, 2013, I came home from work as usual. The scene when I pulled in was completely off. My three older dogs were out running around, while the boyfriend was in the yard giving the neighbor that I paid to mow my lawn the stink eye, and my forth dog, Ryker, was nowhere to be seen. I grabbed the mail n walked towards the house, when the boyfriend tried distracting me from going into the garage. I pushed past him and found my Ryker laying on the step, a pool of blood under his head. I asked my boyfriend what happened, why he didnt take him to the vet, etc. and he told me Hes bleeding. Im not putting that nasty thing in my car. It was THAT sentence. THAT last simple, matter-of-fact, heartless sentence, that woke me out of a lifelong, self-loathing, slump. I grew my spine back instantly. He saw a person he hadnt seen before, and he, being the bully that he was, didnt like it. He crawled back into the house with his tail tucked, while I struggled to lift 100 lbs. of dead weight into my SUV alone. Ryker gave his last bit of life and energy to help me get him into the car. That was to be Rykers last car ride. What people dont know was, the night before that frantic drive, that dog stopped an escalation of the abuse that boyfriend had already put me through daily. That boyfriends mental abuse would have become physical abuse, if that dog wouldnt have stepped in. He paid the ultimate price, but it was his death that gave my soul the shake it needed to find myself again. It hurt like hell. I still cry for him to this day, but once I stood up for myself, the bully ran for it. I havent seen him since. From that moment forward, I focused on myself, my son, and my family. I quit drinking. Did some soul searching, while exploring new fishing holes with my son. Spent time laughing with my parents. Worked on being a better employee. Went back to school, made the Dean’s list. Started eating clean and running. Learned I could still carry on one hell of a conversation while running with my cousin. Ran my first 5k then followed that one, with 9 more. Excitedly welcomed my dear friend and family back to town. Rediscovered my love for Beach Body. Finishing up my 2nd entire program, Body Beast. Since starting everything (running, eating clean, and Beach Body, Im down 25lbs) Sold my first house and bought my 2nd one. Jumped in the car with my son and drove to Georgia to pick up the worlds most evil (and sweet) puppy from a breeder down there. Realized Atlanta Georgia is terrifying and I never want to go there again! Lol! Found a lake on top of a mountain while in Georgia, that we plan to go back to, and explore more in depth. Entered my first AKC conformation show with the puppy we bought in Georgia. Although I was terrified that it would be a complete train wreck. I enjoyed the entire experience with my sister at my side. We walked away with a 1st place and 2nd place ribbon. Did lots of laughing and sharing with new friends. Growing even closer with every goofy text n gossip we sent to each other. Ive learned so much about German Shepherds from the many breeders Ive gotten to know over the last year or so, and although my best friend is a million miles away (or least it feels like it), we pick up right where we left off whenever we talk. Im excited to help her welcome baby #2 to this crazy world and cant wait to hear what they decided to name her! My house might be messier than Id like. My flower beds have huge holes dug in them (thanks bratty puppy!). My job isnt glamorous and its not making me rich by no means but after dealing with so much anger, hatred, and stress over the years, 2014 is the year I became comfortable within my own skin. I am truly blessed and happy. I felt Ryker needed his tribute video shared once more, as I enter into 2015. In death he gave me strength, and courage. In spirit he gives me faith that my future remains bright. With that, I want to wish everyone a Happy New Year! This is the link to Rykers video. youtu.be/-aD25X8QCLY
Posted on: Mon, 05 Jan 2015 01:09:09 +0000
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