As a public service to you my friends, I have a story to relate. Not just any story, but one with a moral and a warning. Big fan of low humor that I can be, coupled with my failure to mature as I age, I tend to find farts funny. As a matter of fact, rarely does a gas passing go that fails to bring a smile, whether it be the tone and timbre, or simply the pressure relief, or even the way it can make the dog wake from a dead sleep and take off like a rocket from the room looking at her own butt. And so as I perused the fridge last night trying to determine what to eat, I found myself looking at a whole lot of options I just didnt feel like cooking, when lo and behold, there on the middle shelf is a tub of leftover taco meat from last week. (see where this is going?) Well thatll work, I found myself thinking, and 30 microwaveable seconds later dinner was served. No fuss, no frills, one plate to wash, sounds perfect right? I dont remember what night last week it was that I made tacos, but apparently it was one day too long ago. About an hour later the bubbles started, and blurp, a little warning burp. As the night progressed, poot! prrp! teehee...and then just sitting here, minding my own business and thinking about going to bed, came the ripper. It was loud, it had perfect pitch, it woke the dog, and I proudly chuckled both in relief and amusement. Then came the smell...Raz moved to the loveseat, and as the water came up in my eyes I wondered how that could have come from me, for it was not a human smell. It was malevolent, it was vile, it could have had its own name, something unpronounceable and evil, and I had to leave as well. Thinking that would be it, and as it was late, I went to bed, and by this morning I had forgotten all about it. But alas! That hamburger had other plans, and in cahoots with my morning coffee came the killshot, in the shower this morning. Oh my holy mother of good lawd almighty! You might think that the flow of water would wash away an airborne cloud like that, but nooooo. I do believe it in fact expanded, becoming an entity of its own and refusing to acknowledge the ceiling fan, or even the basic laws of physics. And trapped in there, shampood up, a hostage to my own poor dietary decisions, the humor ran right out of the room, leaving me with the reality, and I cried. I have no one to blame but myself, and so it is humbly that I pass along this warning, for the sake of all that is right and good. Throw away your old taco meat!! And never, ever, ever...no matter the need or urgency, fart in the shower. Have a lovely day my friends, with a smile on your face and a song in your hearts. ;D
Posted on: Wed, 16 Jul 2014 16:28:52 +0000
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