As a result of the post made by Amara Blessing Nwosu yesterday, Mrs Z opened up and said the following; I have been married for 8 years now and my husband has been in and out of job but mostly out of job. We presently have three children. When we got married, he asked me to quit my job so that I could have time for the home front. He said he would open up a business that would not take my attention from home. The promise is yet to fulfilled and I understand that it is not easy for him I decided to see how I can help but what is breaking my heart is we always end up arguing and quarreling whenever I bring the topic of looking for a job so that I can assist seeing that his situation is not getting any better and the children are growing and are in school and there are responsibilities to be met. I am getting frustrated and I dont want to be seen to be disobeying my husband. He is still adamant. What do I do? This was a general advice given from a friend; Much as I believe in being submissive to our husbands, I do not support a submission that is demanded out of selfishness and which is detrimental to the sacred union called marriage. Biblically, a man is supposed to provide for his family...a man who cannot provide for his family is worse than an infidel. In other words, a woman is supposed to enjoy her husbands wealth and lack nothing. Now, we women no longer pressurize the men to provide but we are ALWAYS WILLING TO SUPPORT OUR HUSBANDS because of the love we have for them and the children. Where a man refuses to allow his wife to work (irrespective of whether he is rich or not), is for some reasons; (1) He wants to take off his wifes independence i.e. he wants his wife to depend solely on him for everything. In other words, she would not be able to challenge him on anything because she is dependent on him. (2) He is afraid of his wife being admired by men (this is usually the mentality of a womanizer) (3) the wifes job will not allow her to take care of the kids and home. In most cases, some men stop their wives from working because of points 1 and 2 above which are PURELY SELFISH REASONS (though they wouldnt say it). Having said this, it is usually not very easy when income is one sided (i.eing from only one person) not to talk of when both parents are out of job. It is also not easy for someone who used to work to be idle...it is really killing. No matter how much a couple love themselves, when you experience LACK (OWU SAA GI), and you have many bills to pay, that is when you will know that LOVE understands the language of money and that love cannot go WITHOUT MONEY! Dear Mrs Z, I dont think it is beneficial for your marriage for you and your husband to be out of job because in my opinion, the reason why your husband kept you at home is selfishly motivated. I also dont think that it is wise and fair for your husband to still insist that you remain idle even when he is out of job. Please you and your husband should think about the kids. if you guys really love them (which I am sure you do), you will have a rethink. Though your husbands condition is temporal and would soon change by Gods grace, my dear, you still need a job or business. If he hasnt saved enough to start a business for you, then get a job and do the savings yourself or together so that your own business would be opened. You have to save your marriage, your children and your psych (emotional and mental) by taking a bold step to get a job, but please make sure that the job you get wouldnt take you away from your family. No sane person would condemn you for getting a job to help your husband and sustain your family. All the same, please dont forget the part of prayer. I wish you the very best. You can add or subtract from the advice but please be sensitive.
Posted on: Thu, 07 Nov 2013 15:30:51 +0000
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