As many of you know I was told by a doctor at UVU two years ago that I would have fertility issues. Ive had a lot of time to think, ponder and pray about motherhood and I must confess Ive had some sad moments of self pity. I want you all to know that over the past few years I have loved looking at your baby photos and hearing your stories. In my dark moments though, I have at times been insane with jealousy. A few days before my 26th birthday I sat on the floor and cried feeling so broken and defective, wondering how many more years I would be without a child. You should all be fully aware of this but let me just give you a quick reminder that (although your intentions are pure) Its never a good idea to ask a couple whos been married for 4+ years why they dont have kids. Also, lets try to avoid saying things like You should have kids! Oh that will change, wait til you have kids. Your house will be such a mess when you have kids. The last thing couples who are dealing with infertility need is more reminders that they dont have kids. Everybody knows that life changes when you have kids, even the childless are fully aware that children are messy, they dont let you sleep in and that theyre expensive. I do not count myself among the lucky for not having sticky fingerprints on my fridge or cheerios ground into the seat of a highchair. I wanted the mess, I would have given ANYTHING, anything, to clean up after a baby of my very own. Danny and I worked 2 jobs each wondering how we would ever be able to save up enough to pay for adoption or fertility treatments. We understood that both of those things can take years and that they offer zero guarantees. We were seriously considering payment plans when, out of the blue, with nothing but a hint of nausea one morning, I got a strong feeling. I promptly asked my 4 year old niece if she thought I should have a baby. She replied Well, how do you feel? I quickly responded Im not pregnant now, but do you think I should be a mom one day? No. Was all I could get of her as a response. Thats going to be a funny story to tell her one day. I waited a few days to take a pregnancy test out of fear of seeing that single pink negative sign I was accustomed to seeing. Finally I gathered the courage and what do you know TWO PINK LINES! The second pregnancy test said the same! I tied a note to my dogs collar and eagerly waited for Danny to get home from work. When he opened that note with the words Mommys Pregnant! he looked at me with teary eyes and responded a choked up Really? The words got tangled in my throat but I managed to reply Yes. as tears gathered in my eyes. On Monday we went to the doctor and received our first ultrasound. That was without a doubt the most happy moment of my life. We heard the strong and steady heartbeat, saw the legs and arms move and were told that everything looks great! Ive had so many emotions run through my head these past couple months but none of them compare to the joy I feel that its finally MY TURN! My turn. And even if this is the only turn I ever get, even if this baby steals most of my sleep, destroys my house and ruins my body, I will be forever grateful that heavenly father decided to give me a turn. From the bottom of my heart I want to thank everyone who has shared their success stories of overcoming infertility with me. Many of you went out of your way to let me know that there is hope and not to give up. You have given me so much comfort over the years and I have often thought of your kind words in times of need.
Posted on: Mon, 31 Mar 2014 00:11:36 +0000
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