Assembly Required (What It Takes To Make A Marriage Work) What does it take to make a marriage work? All the pieces must be put together properly and then maintained at a proper and consistent level. In The Book of Beginnings, Yahweh said, “Let Us [Father, Son, and Holy Spirit] make mankind in Our image, after Our likeness… So God created man in His own image, in the image and likeness of God He created him; male and female He created them. And God blessed them and said to them, Be fruitful, multiply…” In verse 18, Yahweh continued, “Now the Lord God said, It is not good (sufficient, satisfactory) that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper (suitable, adapted, complementary) for him.” Verses 21-28; “… the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam; and while he slept, He took one of his ribs or a part of his side and closed up the [place with] flesh. And the rib or part of his side which the Lord God had taken from the man He built up and made into a woman, and He brought her to the man. Then Adam said, This [creature] is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of a man. Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and shall become united and cleave to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked and were not embarrassed or ashamed in each other’s presence.” Here, we see in the book of Beginnings (Genesis) that it isn’t good for a person to stay isolated. God created mankind as male and female for a reason. They were created to help eachother. When you are put together as Spiritmates ©, you won’t be embarrassed to expose yourself to your partner. In fact, I couldn’t shut up when God gave me Abby. I ‘needed’ to tell her everything about me… all the good stuff and all bad stuff. I tried to pace myself when it came to unloading my baggage, but I couldn’t even slow down, not much less stop. I allowed myself to become naked in her presence and I was not embarrassed. But, that is only the beginning! This attitude of unashamed nakedness has to be maintained by both people, and it is work that must be done on purpose. I always tell my wife that I am loving her on purpose. At first, that used to make her furious. She couldn’t understand why I couldn’t ‘just love her’. And to be honest, I could do that. But, it would have eventually fizzled out, just like many people’s marriages do. Once the honeymoon phase is over, the lustful love starts to play itself out, and most marriages are set on cruise control. That does not make a lasting strong marriage. If you want love to truly last, it must be purposeful, and maintained… and that maintaining must be done by both parties, not just one, and it must be done on purpose. If you own a car, you must maintain it. A smart person will not just drive the car into the ground, until it mechanically dies. Abby and I have discussed this and though it is not explicitly found in this scriptural passage, it does not go against scripture and does actually harmonize with the way we work and makes a lot of sense. So with that in mind, we would like for you to go ahead and read Genesis 3:1-11 now. Now that you’ve read Genesis 3:1-11, look what happens here in verse 12. God challenges Adam and Eve over their fallen condition, “And the man said, the woman whom You gave to be with me—she gave me [fruit] from the tree, and I ate.” Verse 6 (b) reads… “and she gave some also to her husband and he ate.” This happened after Eve had told the serpent(or shimmering one) that they couldn’t eat of that fruit in verse 2 and 3. That can only mean that she knew as well as Adam knew, they weren’t supposed to eat of that fruit as well. I know many preachers at this part, would say that Adam was shifting the blame to the woman. We think instead, Adam was saying this in exasperation. Why? Because (believe it or not)… many women, in general seem to have an uncanny ability to be able to nag. Ive seen a few that have even developed it into an art form! Once a woman who has a propensity to nag, gets a hold of an idea, she can be like a pit bull, who once grabs a hold of something, just won’t let go. So, to us, Adam’s reply seems like a reply of frustration. Could it be that Eve nagged him to the point that he ate the fruit just to get some peace and quiet? Hmmm… could be. But the other side of this coin is this: We don’t believe that all of mankind fell during one conversation between the woman and a serpent. If you pay attention to most scripture, many times you can tell, that what you are reading is a condensed version of what actually transpired over an extended period of time. With that in mind, it seems very plausible that Genesis 3:1-5, was more than just a onetime casual conversation. After all it does seem Eve and the serpent were comfortable interacting with eachother. When scripture says that Eve was deceived, the actual original word used, would more accurately be translated and ‘wholly and completely seduced’. With that in mind it would seem a little odd for that kind of complete deception to happen in one 5 minute exchange. The flip side of the coin is this. If there were meetings whether one meeting or a hundred… where was Adam during this time? Why was Eve allowed to be hanging out with Lucifer unattended? Scripture says, lust built up within Eve concerning this so-called fruit. She intensely looked at it to the point that she ‘desired’ it. And when a woman ‘desires’ something, many times, she will do what she has to do, to get what she wants. So, even though God put Adam and Eve together, they allowed external circumstances to cause them to grow apart. They didn’t love eachother on purpose. Even though Adam said, bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh, he didn’t follow that up with a consistent action. Moving forward on the assumption that Eve did nag Adam to the point of frustration (which is still no excuse for Adam’s sin): Adam allowed Anger and frustration to build up in his heart, because of Eve’s nagging. This caused Adam to make a condemning scathing accusation to God about Eve. Adam dishonored her. When man steps into anger, it is hard for a man not to sin. James 1:20 says; “... man’s anger does not promote the righteousness God [wishes and requires].” Not encouraging eachother is a marriage killer. Back in the day, some spies went into a country to check things out. Most of them freaked out at what they saw. They came back with melodramatic stories, of 10 foot tall giants in bullet proof vests, machine gun towers, subatomic machine gun nests and tanks rolling around everywhere. When the people heard the stories they replied in Deuteronomy 1:28; “To what are we going up to? Our brethren have made our hearts melt, saying, the people are bigger and taller than we are; the cities are great and fortified to the heavens. And moreover we have seen the [giantlike] sons of the Anakim there.” The people’s hearts were shattered. They weren’t being built up or encouraged. Instead, they were being pushed down and discouraged. A lot of us have married a person whether it be the husband, the wife, or maybe both spouses, who has already lived in an abusive situation of some type, whether it was a parent, boy or girl –friend, siblings, or former spouse. It is our responsibility to go out of our way to encourage them, and lift them up and help rebuild them. This is going to sound harsh, but it is a biblical principle so I have to say it. If you are a person who is pushing your spouse down and constantly discouraging, belittling and condemning your spouse… you are at enmity with God, it is that simple. You see this person as your spouse… but God sees this person as HIS child. If you are treating God’s child and gift to you with disrespect and dishonor, He will hold you accountable, and will judge you accordingly. So, let’s say, you are trying to pray to God… but you can’t seem to hear Him, or you feel like your prayers are falling to the ground. The first thing you I suggest you do, is you should evaluate how you are treating your spouse. We are required to operate in the law of love. It is an imperative that we walk in love, and despite what the overall church is teaching, if we don’t operate in the law, then we are an anti-Christ. We must prepare our heart for the law of love just like Ezra did in Ezra 7:10; “For Ezra had prepared and set his heart to seek the Law of the Lord [to inquire for it and of it, to require and yearn for it], and to do and teach in Israel (the spiritually circumcised) its statutes and its ordinances”. If we are going to make our marriages the place of healing fellowship and safety, that marriage was instituted to be, we must learn to love on purpose. To love on purpose, we must fulfill the law. And that law… is the “Law of Love”! Remembering that love is a verb, not a noun… read the following: 1 Corinthians 13:4-6; “Love endures long and is patient and kind; love never is envious nor boils over with jealousy, is not boastful or vainglorious, does not display itself haughtily. It is not conceited (arrogant and inflated with pride); it is not rude (unmannerly) and does not act unbecomingly. Love (God’s love in us) does not insist on its own rights or its own way, for it is not self-seeking; it is not touchy or fretful or resentful; it takes no account of the evil done to it [it pays no attention to a suffered wrong]. It does not rejoice at injustice and unrighteousness, but rejoices when right and truth prevail. If you are like me and you have been jacked up too, sometimes without meaning to we start speaking harshly when we get emotionally triggered. Though it is a challenge for the sake of our marriage, we must learn to moderate our speech. This has proven to be a real challenge for me, but I will succeed. Proverbs 25:23 says: “The north wind brings forth rain; so does a backbiting tongue bring forth an angry countenance.” These two are put together on purpose. A northern rain is a cold rain, the kind that causes you to put up layers of defense against the cold. If you are biting your spouse with your words, don’t be surprised if your spouse becomes cold towards you… you know… isn’t as interested in you, like that spouse used to be… they have put up walls of protection. If our spouse’s heart has been injured and has been or is broken, it needs repaired and to be re-assembled. This re-assembly will have to be done on purpose and gently, it will not happen by accident or overnight. We must serenade their heart, in an effort to get their heart to open and respond, because they often can’t see the beautiful person that we see! Why would we do all this hard work? I do it because I made a vow to love, honor, respect and cherish my spouse. Every day I try to expose myself to my spouse and demonstrate to her, how much I love her. I try my best within my own brokenness to encourage and show my spouse that she is of extreme value to me, that she is beautiful inside and out. I do it on purpose. I don’t wait and hope she knows it by accident; I don’t just say words… I say the words immediately followed up by a positive action, or my positive action is immediately followed up by the words. I want there to be no-doubt in her mind that I am crazy in love with her! So I work at it and I find ways to show her on purpose! Do you really want to make your marriage work? Then… Assembly is definitely required!
Posted on: Thu, 31 Oct 2013 11:03:27 +0000
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