At my 2am visit with little Amari this morning, I wrapped her in a fleece and sat on the front deck to the reception room with her. Thunder rumbled and a promise of rain filled the air with the sweet smell such a blessing always brings. I wanted her to experience the beauty of the night, if it was going to be her last and I wanted to share it with her. The night peepers and insects sang of the dark and the promise of new light and Amari and I just sat and listened. I kissed her little damaged head and told her how much I loved her and how many people also have been touched by her struggle and her strength to keep on fighting. I spoke of how much I wish she could stay and continue to fight this horrible injury. At 1.7 pounds to have her head so severely damaged in the jaws of a larger animal that her skull was fractured and one eye destroyed and then to not have help until maggots were infesting the wound and still survive and keep trying speaks of this little ones heart to keep going. Running fever, not eating, and lethargic she laid in my arms and stilled purred answering the nights song with one of her own. There were not as many stars as usual due to the impending storm but I pointed out the ones I knew and chose a particularly bright one that would be ours. After a while she fell asleep and I carried her back to her room with her fresh warmy and blanket waiting. After her pain meds and more fluids and penicillin I kissed her one more time and went to the house to try to get some sleep before I had to comeback down and start the day. After a few hours of sleep I found myself finding every reason not to go to the surgery center. I drug my feet and when I finally got to the door at 6 am I had to stand outside for a few minutes and just breath to make myslef unlock it and step through. I checked the two dogs waiting for this mornings surgery, the critical care kittens and the cats in the treatment room. Then I walked to where Amari sleeps and turned on the light with a lump the size of my heart in my throat. We had said our good byes, she and I under the stars and surrounded by the peace and beauty of the night. I knew what to expect but still dreaded it with all my heart as I approached her recovery cage I saw the bright neon green of her noggin protector and the subsequent tiny black body curled up on her blue plaid fleece. As I stepped closer I called her name, Amari baby Mama is here not expecting for her to respond, but she lifted her head meowed a single greeting, and walked to the front of the cage with her baby tail straight in the air , which is our typical greeting. Tears poured from my eyes and down my checks and I started this morning on my knees in front of a bank of recovery cages thanking the Lord for one more day to try to save Amari. I changed her head bandaged, gave her fluids, meds, karo and her breakfast which she ate like a trooper. We are far from out of danger, but one more time she has run from the light and back to this life which has been so very hard for her. She was not ready to go, it maybe tomorrow or the next day but as long as she is eating, pain free, and trying to improve I will walk this journey with her every step of the way. Keep praying for this baby as she struggles to stay here where so many love her. I Know God listens, because He listened to two hearts last night as we sat quietly in the dark surrounded by the glory of His Hands and prepared to say good bye.
Posted on: Wed, 20 Aug 2014 14:13:05 +0000
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