Attention Teenage Drug Dealers/Low Life & Oxygen Thieves If you think youve saved enough benefit from your 4 children before your 20, this could be the answer to your prayers. A proper bastardised, chaved up Skippy mobile if ever there was. Enhance your street cred at the local drive thru burger joint or council estate shop front no end with this utterly tacky converted little Renault Clio. Not your Grans idea of a lift to town, granted, but a fantastic opportunity to increase 3 fold your class A drug selling ability. This is the car you need boys. The punters will flock to the window for your home grown skunk and other illegal substances. you just aint gonna look out of place in this little beauty! Now Ive made sure the tax ran out last November, so there is a big pat on your scrawny little backs already. Dig out yer favourite unwashed Umbro hoodie and come cast your shifty little eyes on this. Ideal for the Street Pharmacist and other suitably attired twats. Your gonna need a baseball cap with this beauty, ideally one that comes with no fitting instructions. Heaven forbid you should put it on the right way. What better way to compliment your stolen Nike Air Max trainers than to be seen dangling a foot outta this pocket rocket. Worried about the Babylon spotting ya, no need. Car comes fully equipped with proper blacked out gangster glass on the side windows. Hell, you could even fill the back up with yer ugly chav kids and knowoned see em. doesnt get much better boys. Ah, but it does. It does. To show your complete and utter lack of taste and knowledge of the motor car youll also find the ridiculous rock hard lowered suspension to your taste as well. Why not get a step closer to Grans inheritance by offering her a lift in ya new wheels then taking her down the post Office flat out over the speed humps round your estate and hopefully knocking the spine out of her? Might need 2 laps but god damn them single teenage mums smoking Marlboro Lights outside the chippy will be impressed fellas. You know that they like a ride like this. Turn up the Alpine Head Unit, stick in your favourite and incomprehensible Drum & Bass Cd and the throbbing out the 6x9 parcel shelf will have them pregnant in no time. To complete the proper drug dealer look, a tasteless stripe has been fitted from the front to the rear. Finished in Air Max white it really doesnt complement the car in any shape or form. Rather like you and your Brethren spitting on the floor constantly. Completely needless but you think it makes a statement about you. Youll also enjoy the totally pointless but ridiculously noisy after market air filter. About as helpful as a fart in an astronaut suit, but hell, you didnt get where you are today by being helpful, did you? Im quite sad to see the thing go really. There is nothing more pleasurable to me at 41 than to drive round in this bit of shit and look a complete prick. Id much rather hand the opportunity to you work shy crack head council tenants any day. This little set of wheels is gonna let the other hoodies know youve made it. cocaine and skunk selling is never gonna get any easier for the lucky buyer of this car. I might have a deal on a couple of grams of smack or coke, but ideally Id need to get a serious drug habit before hand. Perhaps someone could help? You can pay in cash or wraps, Im easy really. Bring along your mums credit card or one that your mate has cloned down the petrol station. If it is going to be hard cash, please ensure it is discretely hidden in a used Tesco carrier bag, and you have folded one £20 note around 4 others. Makes counting so much easier. For any female buyer Im offering a free Tatoo of something utterly meaninless to go in the middle of your lower back. If you havent already got your Tramp Stamp that is. If your an under-age drink driver, or under-age driver for that matter, this little beauty really isnt going to attract the attention of the local constabulary at all. youll drift pass any patrol car effortlessly. Make sure there is at least 6 of you in the car though, Splif in hand. If your driving, have another swig from your 2 litre plastic LIDL brand cider as you nonchalantly flip the bird to the passing police patrol. Head off for the nearest estate for some tyre screeching fun. They aint never gonna take you alive in this. The car does like a good rev in the morning at any unsocial hour. Neighbours will love it and feel proud to live in the same road. dont forget to rev the pants off of it at all junctions and roundabouts as well. This really will increase the length of your manhood no end. your virginity is gonna be a thing of the past when the babes see you in this fanny magnet. You can almost bet your last eighth of puff your gonna get laid. Hell, might even get a few STDs as well. your gonna get a proper bird with this motor. For the disqualified driver Ill even offer to recover it from outside the local Magistrates or police station. What better way to impress the local Judicial system in one final act of defiance before collecting your ASBO? Dont let the frivolous matter of actually holding a current, valid drivers licence and insurance put you off this bargain. A visit to your local crack house should procure some documentation from as little as fifty quid. Nuff said, innit.
Posted on: Wed, 06 Nov 2013 23:08:21 +0000
Trending Topics
Recently Viewed Topics
© 2015