August 5, 2014: SHIRT TAILS, BOOGERS & BROKEN HEARTS 💛 Well, since my sweet Clay is walking so good now he has joined the elite crew of shirt tail tuggers and booger wipers. Today has been one of those days where it is both easy and hard all rolled up together. Its so easy to just melt when he begs or cries for me to take him and when he walks from one room to the other hanging to my shirt tail or tugging to my pant leg. Then I pick him up and he wipes his runny nose on my shoulder or wherever his face finds first. I simply just melt---knowing and feeling how much he needs me, how much he wants his Mommy. Im blessed to be just that--his Mommy---their Mommy---its a job that I excel at in his eyes, as well as to his sister and brother. But its also so very hard too. I cry daily both out loud and in silence. I sob uncontrollably--I havent snubbed since I was a child myself, but I do now. I want to take this from him--to slay this monster that is making such a failed attempt at destroying my sweet innocent childs life. I ache inside and I wonder why I didnt find this out sooner. Why didnt---why couldnt---I tell something was wrong with my sweet baby boy before it got this far advanced! I am not questioning anything God has placed in front of us during this journey but I do wish I knew sooner--I wish it never happened to begin with. Cancer. What is this terrible thing? This monster?! This word...this...disease! Why cant this word just disappear and take its disease with it?!?! My soul, my heart, my body hurts from the desire for cancer to be non-existent!! So with stretched shirt tails and booger covered shoulders, I sit here staring at this creation of such perfection laid out in front of me--so small and yet so largely loved. The sweet breaths he breathes and the occasional sucking of his paci gives me the simple answer to the reason why I hurt daily and why I fight so diligently every second for a cure for him and everyone else who is battling this monster. This is the very essence of who I am now. I am a fighter for Clay--his warrior---his protector---his Mommy. God bless & keep praying & keep fighting for a cure!! We will win this battle!!! #teamclayallen --Triss 💛
Posted on: Wed, 06 Aug 2014 03:03:03 +0000
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