Autism Discussion Page Sometimes it is best to say nothing at all! For many children on the spectrum, as they are getting upset, their auditory processing skills collapse. Words become jumbled, confusing, and irritating! Their nervous system is in overload, and their emotions are spiraling. Trying to “talk” to them can add fuel to the fire, and make them more agitated. We mean well, we want to help them out, calm them, and solve the problem for them, but our attempts seem to only add to the storm. For these children we need to limit what we say, or say nothing at all. Depending on your child’s ability to process language at that time, the following are suggestions: 1) For some children who still maintain fair processing skills, giving clear statements about what the child “should do” can help. “Johnnie, go lie down on your bed” can give the child clear information on what they need to do to calm. Especially if the strategy was laid out ahead of time, practiced, and agreed upon. When thinking skills are collapsing, giving clear description of what to do can be effective. Notice, it doesn’t focus on what the child is doing wrong, counsel them about their behavior, or try to teach more appropriate behavior at this time. It is not the time to teach, talk out of, threaten, or punish. Simply give information on “what to do” to cue the child into action. This only works if (1) the coping skill has been agreed upon and practiced, and (2) the child still has some degree of self control left. 2) For some children who have partial processing when upset, avoid questions, directives, instructions, or counseling. Avoid any statements that direct the child to think or act. Simply use “declarative statements” that reflect, describe, ensure, comfort and sooth. For example, if the child is upset, say “Johnny you really look upset!”, rather than “What’s the matter Johnny?” In the first statement you are describing what you see, not requiring him to respond back. The second statement (question) requires him to process and come up with a response back. This can create more overload and cause greater agitation. When you say “Johnny, you really look angry!” you are (1) reflecting how you see he feels, and (2) inviting him to respond if he chooses to do so. It doesn’t put him on the spot. It may be beneficial to provide reassuring and/or soothing statements, but do not direct the child to think or act. This provides interaction to support, rather than instruct. 3) For the child who simply cannot process language at all, you might be able to use pictures to convey information. If you have discussed and practiced using a couple of coping strategies, you can have pictures of these on a laminated card, that you hand to the child to cue him on what to do. For these children, auditory information (talking) collapses and visual information is easier to process. 4) For many children who collapse very quickly, and cannot handle any talking , it is better to say nothing at all. Your words add fuel to the fire, expects him to process more, especially when he is already overwhelmed. Some of these children may still welcome you to help sooth them physically, but simply cannot process words. This is the child I would provide soothing physical contact or movement, but say very little. Or, maybe sing a nursery rhyme, or hum a soothing tune., but no language to process. You are simply using the tone and rhythm of your voice to help sooth. Then there are other children who cannot handle interaction of any kind. They may be very angry, confused, and overwhelmed, and simply cannot deal with interacting period! For them simply standing nearby may give them the sense of safety they need. Just knowing that you are there to keep them safe and support them is all they need. 5) Lastly, there are some children who simply need to be alone! Even your presence can overwhelm them. For these children it is often better to pull back and give them a lot of space to calm down on their own. You can provide them with a “safe space” and any objects (stuffed animals, bean bag , pillows, etc.) that might help them sooth, but give no interaction at all. For many children the type of interaction and amount of language will vary, depending on who is doing the intervening, where the problem is occurring, time of day, and how far into the melt down you are. The earlier you intervene in the "build up" stage, the more processing they have. Also, a lot depends on the state of their nervous system at the time of their difficulty, and the type of stimulation going on around them. If they have had a stressful day, lack of sleep, are hunger, or not feeling well, their processing will decompensate even faster. It is important to understand how your words, voice, and interactions effect your child when upset. Know what style of interaction, if any interaction at all, helps calm and support them. It is important for us to listen to, understand, and respect the child’s tolerances. By doing so we are helping them feel “safe, accepted, and supportive” during their emotional storm.
Posted on: Tue, 25 Jun 2013 07:02:24 +0000
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