BIBLICAL JUSTICE 1) Take a pair of scissors and fork his tongue to make it more serpent-like so he feels more in character 2) His left-eye offends thee, so lets pluck it out with a knife 3) His weight seems to bother him, so lets break each of his vertebrae, one at a time, over a course of months, so he will not be burdened anymore with dragging his heavy load around anymore 4) In addition to the weight he also seems to have a problem standing up straight. I suggest we stretch his legs out far until they are elongated at the sockets 5) Many claim he is slowly losing hair. Perhaps some mange would help remove it faster for him, and spare him the pain of a slow, daily loss of only a few hairs at a time 6) He complains of a cold cell. I think the hot embers of a lit cigarette strategically placed in numerous spots on his body may help warm his skin to a nice, toasty glow 7) Many have remarked about his long, pointed nose. This hideous feature must embarrass him endlessly. I suggest that a bat -- used in a straight-on, swing to make direct contact with the nose -- may help eliminate the pointed-nose problem and shorten the length of thine snout. The fragmented bone chips, if the hit is direct and hard enough, will dissipate in various parts of his body and not be a problem anymore 8) If thy jail food offends him, let us remove it and bless thee with the purge of lent 9) Hygiene is not of importance to him, so thy offending water will not be offered anymore Your Most humble servant and Kiyas Crusader, K.T.B.
Posted on: Mon, 05 Jan 2015 01:03:39 +0000
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