** BREAKING NEWS ***Affordable Horse Act The U.S. government has just passed a new law entitled The Affordable Horse Act declaring that every citizen MUST purchase a new horse by April, 2014. These affordable horses will cost an average of $10,000-$50,000 each. This does not include boarding, feed, vet and training fees, and the riding equipment. This law has been passed because, until now, typically only wealthy and financially responsible people have been able to purchase horses. This new law ensures that every American can now have an affordable horse of their own, because everyone is entitled to a new horse. If you purchase your horse before the end of the year, you will receive free turnout sheet (does not include S&H) In order to make sure everyone purchases an affordable horse, the cost of owning a horse will increase on average of 250-400% per year. This way, wealthy people will pay more for something that other people dont want or cant afford to maintain. But, to be fair, people who cant afford to maintain their horses will be regularly fined and children (under the age of 26) can use their parents ponies until they turn 27, after which date they must purchase their own horse. If you already have a horse, you can keep yours (just kidding; no you cant). If you dont want or dont need a horse, you are required to buy one anyhow. If you refuse to buy one or cant afford one, you will be regularly fined $800 until you purchase one, or face imprisonment. If you cannot (or dont want to) purchase an affordable horse from a private business, you can buy a starter pony from the U. S. government affordable pony exchange. Such a pony will fulfill the basic requirements as far as soundness and trainability and will only cost slightly more than a similar horse purchased from a private breeder. Plus, since your tax dollars will subsidize the purchase of a horse from the U. S. governments affordable pony exchange, it will appear that you are getting a good deal. Failure to use the horse will also result in fines. People living in the desert, ghettos, inner cities, or areas with no access to trails and/or farms/boarding facilities are not exempt. Pre-existing conditions such as age, lack of experience, nor general fear of animals are not acceptable excuses for not using your horse. A government review board (that couldnt tell the mare from the gelding ) will decide everything, including when, where, how often, and for what purposes you can use your horse, along with how many people can ride it. The board will also determine if one is too old or healthy enough to be able to use their horse, and will also decide if your horse has out lived its usefulness or if you must purchase specific training accessories(like a $2000 saddle) or a newer and more expensive horse. Those that can afford horses will be required to do so ... its only fair. The government will also decide the name for each horse. Failure to comply with these rules will result in fines and possible imprisonment. Government officials are exempt from this new law. If they want a horse, they and their families can obtain mounts free at the expense of taxpayers. This includes lifetime training, riding lessons, tack and automatic adjustments for boarding their animals at top notch facilities. Unions, bankers, and mega companies with large political affiliations ($$$) are also exempt.
Posted on: Thu, 21 Nov 2013 21:50:23 +0000
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