Beyonce descended on a frozen anaconda, and the friction set her magnesium lingerie on fire, sparks flying everywhere. As her screams filled the great hall, and Jay Z stood by in the wings trying to pick up a waitress dressed as Johnny Cupcake & the Floggers, surprise guest felon, Justin Bieber, ran out, dropped his neon lederhosen and pissed liquified eggs on the fire, while snorting coke off the back of Katy Perry, and then they trotted out Keith Urban and the worst haircut in country music to sing something uplifting into the torpid atmosphere, as Pink stepped into the lion cage to hold off the beast with a Chippendale chair and a gun in the shape of Taylor Swifts head, which was waving back and forth like an angry barometer bird. And I think there was a song or two in there somewhere, but Im not placing any bets.
Posted on: Mon, 27 Jan 2014 04:24:13 +0000